Life with twins...

I know, I know...

2009-04-10T13:46:00.002-04:00

Yup, been a long time... Life with twins is never easy. It can be fun, it can be stressful, it can be incredibly entertaining but it is never easy. Aidan and Amanda are wonderful. I haven't written in a while because life chugs along and there is always something that feels more important than relaxing with my thoughts. I'm sure there is something more important that I should be doing right now (like working) but I decided to take a break anyway.

This has been a hectic week. I had a few important deadlines at work. Jon has been putting in some extra hours. The kids are oblivious to our stress which is an absolute blessing. The most unusual event for them this week was Jon picking them up from school on Tuesday instead of me. I had a 5:00 meeting which didn't end until 6:30 so Jon picked them up. Aidan was upset but he got over it quickly. Aidan is going through a weird clingy phase but more about that later. Wednesday was the Passover Sedar at my Aunt Donna's house. We had a nice time visiting but it made for a late night. We didn't get the kids in bed until 10:30!!! It wouldn't have been a big deal if I didn't have to wake them up at 6:00 for school on Thursday morning. Today, they are with Grandma since their preschool is closed for Good Friday. I understand the religious significance of Good Friday but do they really need to close the preschool for the occasion? I'm incredibly fortunate that my mom and my sister can help me out but it doesn't seem fair that they close the entire school today. Ugh...

We're about to begin a whirlwind weekend. We decided a few months ago it would be wonderful to go visit my cousin Annie in Virginia for Easter. Now, Easter is upon us and it seems like it came up too quickly. I had such wonderful plans leading up to this weekend. First, we were going to color eggs. Did that happen? Nope... I even bought the color kit a few weeks ago. Then the days turned in to weeks and the next thing I realized, we didn't have time to fit it in. Oh well, I did have the best of intentions. We can always use the kit next year, if I can store it and not forget it. Even this week is getting away from me. Every minute is completely booked. Last Friday I made a list of things that had to occur before our trip. Jon needs a haircut. Our car needs to get registered in NY. Kids need something nice to wear for Easter. I want a pedicure. Bills need to be paid. House needs cleaning. Laundry is piling up. We need to pack. Ugh. I guess I like ending frustrating rants with "ugh"

Back to Aidan's clingy-ness. He has been experiencing a recurrence of separation anxiety lately. Most goodbyes end in tears. He sobs "I'm going to miss you Mommy" every single time. It is getting better but there have been a few complete meltdowns. It doesn't matter who he is staying with, if I'm leaving, he'll meltdown. The first time was at Aunt Taryn's house on a bowling night. Jon and I were leaving to go bowling and Aidan started crying. I gave him a big hug and kiss and I thought he would calm down after a few minutes. Nope, Taryn called me about 30 minutes later and he was still inconsolable. He did finally calm down but not before he wet his pants while screaming so much. He has done this at Grandma's house, school, Aunt Taryn's house and in the car. Occasionally he'll miss Daddy or Grandma and cry for them too but most of the time it is for me. He is a great little boy but geesh, he can be very emotional. Amanda on the other hand is so laid back that she doesn't care what is going on around her. Their personalities are so different!

Oh well, I'm going to get back to work. I wanted to write a quick update since I haven't had a chance. I hope things calm down soon. I'm not going to hold my breath since I do have 3-year-old twins!

My kids are AWESOME!

2009-01-16T09:49:00.002-05:00

OK, I just had to share that. I am so proud of my children it just makes me look silly. I have this stupid grin on my face and every time someone tells me how great they are, I am just doofy! They are doing so well! They are now officially 3 1/2 years old (as of 1/7) and they are just the greatest. My big guy is now completely potty trained. He told me this morning (after two consecutive nights of wearing underpants to bed without an accident) that he is a big boy and he doesn't need silly baby diapers anymore. The first night without a diaper was a complete accident. I forgot to change him before bed. I'm glad that he was dry! Last night, as a result of the previous night, he insisted that he didn't need a diaper and he would get up. The resulting conversation:

Me: Aidan, let's put a diaper on just in case.
Aidan: No mom, really, I don't need one.
Me: but what if you're asleep when you have to go potty.
Aidan: I'll just get up and go, even if it is the middle of the night, OK? You said that we can just go, we don't have to ask. Isn't that why you put the little light in the bathroom?
Me: Good point, I can't argue.
Aidan: See, I told you!

Such a smart little boy. It may have taken a while, but he decided that he likes going on the potty. He insists that he never needs any help. He likes to tell us that he wants his privacy. Occasionally if he thinks he'll be in for a while, he requests a book for entertainment :)

My little Miss Amanda (as I like to call her) is in a very snugglie mood lately. She always wants to be held or cuddled. She did have a nasty cough for which she blames Aidan. To be fair, Aidan did have the cold first. The cough is getting better. Sometimes she tends to "play it up" but that is just Amanda. She loves to be loved. She is obsessed with princesses and as much as I thought I might avoid having a girly girl, she decided otherwise! She insists on putting on her dress up gowns every day and most days when I pick them up from school, she is dressed up. She loves wearing her "dancing shoes" which are the plastic princess shoes that she has. After she has put on all of her dress up clothes and shoes, she announces that she is going to her dance party. I have never bought her dresses because I always thought that she would be uncomforable playing in dresses. She received a bunch of clothes from her teacher at school which included a few skirts and 3 nightgowns. She insists on wearing the nightgowns every night. I can't argue with her regardless of how cold it is. I guess I'm just going to have to go with the flow. How am I going to deal with having a girl? I guess I've been in denial since she was born that she would actually want to dress like a girl :) I'm going to have to do some reading and take a few lessons.

So, a brief school update. They still love school! Their teachers have noticed a huge increase in Aidan's confidence since he started using the potty. They are both doing very well with their lessons. They worked on learning the senses this week and they are getting really familiar with the alphabet. They can both count to twenty and sometimes higher with a few mistakes here and there. They are both very friendly and love to be leaders. When I pick them up from school, it takes a long time for them to say their goodbyes. They insist on saying goodbye to each of their classmates and give each one a big hug and occasionally a kiss.

Hugging and kissing, that leads me to the next point. They are both incredibly affectionate. So much that it can be a bit too much at times. I took them grocery shopping last week and they both waved and said hello to every single person we passed. That was cute. It morphed in to them giving each other hugs. The hugs led to kisses. The kisses became a bit too much. I had to ask them to stop kissing each other so much. I love the fact that my twins are close and they love each other but we're lacking personal space. Perhaps we're too affectionate with them? I never saw it as a bad thing. Now they won't go to school unless they get hugs and kisses from both mommy and daddy. They want to hug and kiss everyone. Cute, but a little creepy...

Boy, am I glad it's Friday. Tonight is our bowling league. Yup, we're super bowling geeks. At least we have fun and we're pretty good! Last week I bowled really well for me (512 series with a high 180 game) so I'm hoping to continue the trend this week. Jon and I are planning to go see an Irish band along with a bagpipe group tomorrow afternoon at a local Irish Pub. I'm super excited. Aidan and Amanda will be spending the afternoon with the Meeker's sons Sean and Kevin. All four are so excited. They'll be having pizza for dinner and hanging out playing games and watching movies. Too bad the high temperature for tomorrow is predicted to be in the teens. The kids have wanted to play in the snow with Sean and Kevin but I think tomorrow might be a bit too cold to go outside. We'll have to see. There are currently no plans for Sunday but I'm sure that will fill up fast with cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping and normal weekend catch-up. Oh well, that's all I got!

Dashing through the snow!

2009-01-03T22:27:00.003-05:00

Spending a few years in Colorado will do strange things to my memory of winter in the northeast. Obviously I did block quite a bit out of my memory. It seems like there is forecasted rain or snow every couple of days. Sometimes is amounts to something and other times, not so much. Last Sunday it was close to 60 degrees. Then it snowed on New Years Eve. Since we both had no work on New Years, we decided to take the kids outside to play in the snow. They had their snow saucers from my dad and away they went! I finally have some pictures to share.

Welcome 2009!

2009-01-01T20:14:00.000-05:00

It seems quite silly really. I am so happy that 2009 has begun. I am ready for a fresh year. 2008 was a very difficult year which was full of changes. 2008 was also a very good year in that we watched our children learn and grow by leaps and bounds! We started the year with a definite plan in mind and we finished the year accomplishing our goals. I had hoped that the details would have gone more smoothly. At the end, we are where we wanted to be.

We wanted to start a new life in New York. We wanted to be closer to family. We wanted to give the kids the life that we thought would bring them happiness. Colorado was wonderful but it wasn't home for me.

Boy, did it start off rough. There was a lot more work that needed to be done to the house in Colorado. We could get it done. It would bring us more money in the long run, right? Right? OK, we were a bit optimistic on that one. Who would have known that the market would tank in the most horrific manner since the great depression? We did come to realize after everything was said and done that we would have been in much worse shape if we hadn't done the upgrades. We had hoped to sell by summer. By October we were lucky to give the house away without having to give the shirt off my back.

There was a lot of stress and anxiety through those months. I look back now and I'm amazed that we were able to keep pushing through the entire time. The kids started school in September. We rented an apartment in October. By November we had really set in to a routine. December rolled in and threw a wrench in the mix. I had hoped that the holidays would give us a little bit of joy in a overwhelming world. Unfortunately it just made things a whole lot more difficult.

Thankgiving is always a wonderful holiday. Lots of food and lots of family. This year was no exception. While living in Colorado, Jon and I spent Thanksgiving with a group of friends that were all away from their immediate families. It became tradition. This year we traveled to Albany to be with my mom's family. My grandmother flew in from Florida to spend a week with 4 generations of our family. We spent Thankgiving chatting and catching up. Aidan and Amanda love spending time with their cousin Emma (who turns 5 in March). They always have a good time playing with toys and having the most adorable "kid" conversations. We had such a nice time that we decided to come back on Saturday for more visiting.

Once Thanksgiving was over, the clock seemed to jump ahead so quickly. Days turned into weeks and it just went so quickly! There are so many details. I'll spare you :)

I had every intention of pulling out a miracle for Christmas and Chanukah. I wanted to make it a special memory. I went in with the best of intentions. There were sacrifices along the way. We started off strong. I took a day off in the middle of the week and went shopping with my friend Jen. We bought quite a few gifts. She was far more successful but I figured that I had plenty of time. That weekend we went to a Christmas Tree Farm in Pleasant Valley and cut down our own beautiful tree. We decorated it the next day. Throughout the day Amanda kept saying that this was the best Christmas ever.

That was when it started to get a bit hectic. My primary job responsibility is budget and forecasting capital spending. I am responsibile for telling the CEO how much money my department is going to spend. Since it was December, I was feeling a lot of pressure to get the 2009 budgets ready. I was constantly receiving phone calls and emails. There was a LOT of money involved. I worked a bunch of late nights and weekends. Fortunately I have the ability towork from home but it is very difficult to be productive when you have two 3-year-olds. Waiting until they go to sleep is the only option. As you could guess, this leds to a lot of things to do after bedtime. The stuff got stacked up and I started feeling overwhelmed.

That was when it hit me! I don't have to be superwoman! Will people be disappointed in me? Should I care? Well, it doesn't go away that easily but I was able to deal with the guilt. What am I talking about? Did you receive a holiday card from me this year? By the end of the second week of December I realized that there was no way I was going to be able to do everything on my list. There were a few things that were going to take priority. In the end it was worth it. I saved my sanity and a few things didn't get done. I decided to make cookies for the kids' teachers instead of buying gifts for each teacher. I didn't have the time and the budget was tight. We had fun making cookies. It did take a full weekend which is a huge commitment. I could have gone to the store and spent $10. Oh well. Those are good memories.

Friday, December 19th was the first big snowstorm of the season. It was also the busiest day scheduled by far. I had my company holiday party in the evening. We had Murphy family Christmas caroling which is one of my favorite all time activities. Jon and I also had bowling. It was position night which is very important and we couldn't miss. I was very disappointed that I was going to have to make such a difficult decision. The kids had school and I was going to skip the company party, pick the kids up, head to Beacon for caroling, leave the kids with Kelly for caroling, head to the bowling alley, bowl league and then head back to Uncle Dick's for the rest of caroling. On Thursday, the 19th, the forecast indicated that we might get a sizeable snowstorm. The radio stations were all saying we'd get a foot. The kids' daycare decided to close at noon and my company announced that the party would be moved up to 2pm due to the forecast. Jon decided to leave work early to pick the kids up. I had responded "no" regarding the work party. My co-workers impressed upon me the importance of making an appearance at the party. With the earlier start time and Jon picking up the twins, I had no excuse. I decided to go for a while.

The snow started later than expected. The storm blew in at around 11am. We were surprised at how quickly the conditions outside deteriorated. When we decided to head to the party, it was a blizzard outside. We made it to the party and I was suprised at the turnout. There were quite a few people in my office that weren't going due to the weather but the crowd was massive! The food was great and the drinks were free. I only had one since the weather was so bad but it was nice to have the free drink. They should have cancelled but I understand that it would have cost too much to do that. I was lucky to be there. I actually won a giveaway 19" HDTV. I tried to leave by 3 but the poor planning of the golf club caused a parking nightmare. I wasn't able to leave until one of the 8 cars blocking me in moved. I was able to get on the road by about 4:45. I got home at 6. The roads were miserable but fortunately our Super Trooper is amazing! I got home and we decided to head to Beacon. We assumed that bowling was cancelled and caught up with the caroling group. We had a wonderful time and by the time we were ready to leave, the snow had stopped and the roads were being cleared.

The rest of December is a blur. Chanukah started on a Sunday night. We went to my mom's house and lit the candles with her. She had both my grandmother and my sister on speakerphone. Aidan and Amanda received wooden pieces with laces weave through holes in the wood. It reminded me of the sewing cards that I had as a child. Amanda has been known to find a quiet corner with her blankie and her belt. She entertains herself by weaving the belt through the holes in her blanket. I tried to find those carboard pieces with a "connect the dots" type pattern that was "drawn" with the lace but I can't find them anywhere. This was a great alternative. The boards that Aidan received were street sign shapes with holes around the edges. Amanda's pieces were a bear and clothing to dress the bear by sewing them together. They both really liked them. I was unsure of how Aidan would react since he is less "artsy" than Amanda and tends to get distracted easily.

We enjoyed Christmas Eve with Taryn spending the night. We wrapped presents until 1am and we laughed. It was a special occasion. We watched Christmas specials and enjoyed the night. Christmas morning was amazing. The kids received so much stuff. I tried to have some restraint but at 3-years-old, they are so easy! This is the first year they have had any appreciation for the holidays. We spent the entire morning opening presents. I made pancakes first while the kids enjoyed a Black & Decker toolbench that Aunt Taryn gave Aidan. We slowly opened one present at a time so that the kids could pace themselves. I didn't want them to burnout quickly and get overstimulated. Aidan can be very difficult. We had so much fun trying out all of the gifts. There were playdoh accessories, a remote control bug and a remote control cat from Aunt Diana, a kiddie laptop computer from Aunt Taryn and the list goes on and on... So spoiled :)

After our celebration at home, we went to mom and Oscar's house for dinner with Grandma H. and Ellen. It was nice to see them and my mom made a delicious turkey. After dinner, desert and some visiting, we moved on to our next destination, my dad's house. Dad has been a bit down in the dumps for a few months now. He's having a hard time adjusting to life after a stroke. We haven't had many opportunities to visit with the schedule we've been living. We spent a couple of hours visiting. Grandma Linda went a bit nuts with the gift giving and the kids got even more! Amanda has a whole baby doll setup. She received a carriage, complete with blankets, cushion and a pillow, infant carrier, doll, and supply bag. Aidan recieved a few monster trucks and a remote control truck. They both received snow saucers which they can't wait to use. There was so many gifts given, I lost track of what they got!

The following Sunday was the Chanukah party that I'd offered to host at my house. I figured that it would be the perfect opportunity to show my family where we live. Was I crazy? Yup, this was the idea before December hit me like a freight train. I didn't want to back out but by the time the party started, Taryn was ready to kill me and Jon was muttering "never again" all around the house. Oh well, we survived. It wasn't the party that was going to be difficult. It was my insane preparations. I needed to get the entire house cleaned. I had a list far longer than I ever expected. There was cleaning and shopping and cooking that needed to be done. The Christmas decorations had to come down. Not because we were having a Chanukah gathering but because they were driving me absolutely nuts. I was done with the holidays and I needed January to start! The party went well. We had a very nice time. The kids received more wonderful gifts! They were obviously exhausted by the time everyone left. Their cousin Emma was here and as usual, they were bouncing off the walls!

After all that madness, we decided to quietly ring out 2008 by ourselves, at home. I barely made it through work. Jon and I both decided to work through the holidays. We each had Christmas and New Year's Day off. By Dec 31, I was so exhausted, I couldn't wait for a break.

I fell asleep on the couch at around 10pm on Dec 31. I gave up and went to bed at 11:15. Another year where I didn't care to ring in the new year. I was just ready to have the day end and start the new year on a positive note.

This year started difficult but there was a plan. We survived the plan. Now the future is whatever we want it to be. Will we buy a house this year? Will we stay in our current apartment? Can we pay down some debt? I've resolved to take it one day at a time. That's how it works and thats how I'll do it!

Happy New Year everyone!

Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T15:28:00.002-05:00

Wow! Is it Thanksgiving already? I can't believe that November is almost over. I don't have much time to catch up but things are going well. I'd love to sit here an do a nice long blog about everything that has been going on over the last month but it isn't going to happen yet.

We've moved in to our new apartment, finished the closing on the house and set in to "normal" routines. As with most people with families, we're constantly rushing. The kids are doing well, they have their expected ups and downs. Jon and I are both busy with work. It is budget season. There is a never-ending stream of meetings, deadlines and late nights.

I will stop promising to post pictures because all I seem to do is break promises. I will try to find some free time in this wonderful long weekend and sit on my butt doing stuff I enjoy!

Speaking of the long weekend, I have off the day after Thanksgiving. Yeah!!! Unfortunately Jon has to work... Booo... We're heading to Albany tomorrow to spend the day with my mom's side of my family. I'm looking forward to the day. Aidan and Amanda have been talking about their cousin Emma for weeks now and they'll finally get a chance to spend the day with her!

I'm going to keep this brief. Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Lisa

Light at the end of the tunnel

2008-10-20T09:37:00.003-04:00

I'm sorry to keep everyone in the dark for so long but there is finally light at the end of the tunnel. It's been a hectic couple of weeks but in the end, it all worked out.

The offer that we received on our house that was a complete joke was just a starting point. I should have known that in this market there would be a lowball offer but I was in a very negative state of mind. I assumed that we would be stuck with our house for the rest of our lives!! Well, we lowered our asking price by $1000 and they accepted our counteroffer. They wanted a quick closing and we were happy to oblige. The closing date was set for 10/20 (today) but was later changed to 10/17 so that they could close before the weekend. We were excited beyond belief but not yet ready to pop the champagne. Many things could go wrong in the interim.

While jumping through thousands of real estate hoops while getting ready for closing, Jon and I were trying to find a new home for the 4 of us and Smokey! It is important to mention Smokey in the equation because I had forgotten how difficult it was to find a rental where they allow cats. We also (as I mentioned previously) are not really excited to deal with the "shopping" process. We had an appointment to see an apartment shortly after my last posting. I wanted to avoid putting everything in one potential place that we hadn't seen yet but I was excited. The location was excellent and the listed amenities were right up our alley. The description is "Country setting. Large yard. 2 family home only five years old. Main floor has a kitchen, dining room, family rm. and a half bath,Washer/dryer hookups. Second floor has 2 large bedrooms a den and a full bath with double sinks." Sounds great, right? Yeah but we needed to wait a few more days before we could see it. I scheduled appointments to see two other places. The first place had more stairs than I ever could imagine. It was quite pricey for a 2nd floor and attic apartment. No thanks! The next place was $100 more than the one I was waiting to see but it was a full house and had a basement and garage. I was willing to see what they had to offer. We didn't even make it that far. We finally got to see the one I had been waiting for. It was pretty much love at first sight. Of course there are things that you'd wish it had but overall it was perfect. Jon and I talked it over for a while but we were sold. We agreed to sign a 1-year lease and the rest is history.

We agreed to take possession on 10/15 which unfortunately was a Wednesday. It isn't very easy to move in the middle of the week. The landlord agreed to let us move some things in before the 15th. I took off from work on Monday the 13th. My mom and Taryn wanted to get haircuts so I spent the day with the kids. Jon also took off from work and we decided to get a truck and load stuff in to the house. Thanks to Taryn helping with the truck and mom watching the kids (after the hair appointment), we were able to empty our storage unit! Unfortunately the apartment did not have electricity turned on so we finished unloading the truck in the dark. I don't recommend moving from a dark truck to a dark house after sunset in October! It got chilly and we had no clue where we were putting things. We literally dropped things everywhere just to get it inside. Tuesday, the 14th, came too quickly. I was exhausted from moving but at least we were making progress. The storage unit was empty! The electric company was turning on our lights and I had scheduled the gas service and the cable. We were getting there!

After a hectic week of trying to get things set for the move, we were also dealing with the closing on the house. The closing had been changed from Monday to Friday (the 17th) and there was a never ending chain of emails from the realtor with forms that needed signatures. Fortunately my step-father has a scanner at home so we were able to sign each form, scan it and email it back to the realtor pretty quickly. It is not easy to close on the sale of a property from 2000 miles away but we had to get it done. There was a lot of insanity that I will spare you. To put it mildly, I was very close to being committed to a mental hospital. Speed ahead to Friday (closing date), I was starting to think that we might make it through the process. Is it ever that easy? Nope, I needed some additional torture. I received a call from the closing agent an hour before closing to say "Hi Lisa, I received the FedEx package with all of the documents, thank you very much. So, did you confirm the wire?" I was dumbfounded for a few moments and managed to squeek out "what wire?" Oh, apparently there was a balance to close escrow. We needed to bring money to closing of which NO ONE had informed us!! After a pretty major meltdown on my part, I needed to scramble. I'll save the details but we were able to wait until today to close escrow and I was able to borrow the money we needed for little while. So.... it looks like we are free at last!! I kept saying that we had signed our life away and now we're signing it back.

This is the beginning! This is a new start for Jon, Lisa, Aidan, Amanda and, of course, Smokey. Jon and I finished moving most things out of my parents house yesterday(Thank you Mom and Oscar!!!) We were able to sleep at our new house last night. It has been an incredibly long path but now the future is starting to look bright again.

Aidan and Amanda love their new house. We all slept there on Saturday night to try to acclimate the kids to their new room. They transitioned well to my moms house so I was hoping it would be the same in our new house. Not very easy. They were super excited to sleep in the new house. They wanted to go to bed an hour early. I was happy to oblige since I was quite busy. We bought the kids mattresses and boxsprings (instead of toddler beds or something designed for kids). They've never slept in their own "real" beds. We didn't get frames to keep them relatively close to the floor in case they rolled. At mom's house, they have a trundle bed which means that they are next to each other. If Amanda rolls out of bed, she lands on Aidan (or his bed). If Aidan rolls, he has the trundle bed drawer front to keep him from dropping to the floor. They both roll around a bit but I haven't witnessed anything dangerous. Their new beds are on opposite walls. I bought all the linens they needed and new pillows. Pillows are a bit more difficult than I imagined. The kids didn't have pillows in Colorado. Babies in cribs usually don't use pillows. When we moved, my mom had pillows on the bed. There was no transition issue. Unfortunately, new pillows are more fluffy than the pillows that my mom had. I spent hours trying to comfort the kids in their new room. Since we had just moved in, there weren't any window coverings. I didn't make a big deal of it because I figured, hey, it's dark, they'll just wake up before the sun comes up (like usual). I didn't think about the headlights from the road which cast weird tree shadows on their wall. I got a nightlight and covered the window with a blanket. Then the pillows were too fluffy and too big for their heads. I rolled up towels to substitute. Then they were thirsty. It was one thing after another until they finally passed out at around 12:30. They did manage to sleep through the rest of the night and they were very happy when they woke up in the morning. It was hard to convince them that they slept in their new house one night and they were going to grandma's the next. It made the most sense. Jon and I were able to get some sleep and get up for work without extra hassel. Mom was watching the kids today anyway so it saved us a stop. Tonight will be interesting. They have school tomorrow so we have to be up and out very early. I'll try to update again soon with pictures...

Thank you for all of your good thoughts! It must have worked!

Damn this roller coaster, I want to get off!!!!

2008-10-03T08:56:00.003-04:00

I hate roller coasters. I've never been fond of that nauseous feeling you get when you freefall from the top of a coaster. That is what my life was like yesterday and I'm not very happy about it.

I should have known that it was going to be a rough day when I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and refused to get up for about 20 minutes. Of course that caused me to be behind schedule which I hate. It was a school day for Aidan and Amanda so I woke them and started them on oatmeal while I got dressed. I was able to pick up some of my lost time until about 5 minutes before leaving. I was rushing to get a bag out of the pantry when Aidan decided to help me and accidentally slammed my ring finger in the door. It hurt so badly that I crumbled to my knees. I tried to keep it together but the tears started flowing. Aidan was devastated and was obviously scared by my reaction. He thought he was helping mommy only to have this reaction. Jon explained to him why I was crying and holding my poor finger. He came and gave me a huge hug and apologized. He did make me feel better and other than the warm throbbing in my hand, I would survive. Unfortunately this mishap caused a delay in our departure. I was able to get the kids to school without further incident and I made it to work right around 8. I hate being late but it was only a few minutes.

After arriving at work late, I took a quick break at about 9:00 to make a phone call. Jon and I have been looking for a house/apartment to rent so that we can finally get out of my parents' way. It has been overwhelming and stressful lately but Jon and I were optimistic that we'd be able to manage a rental plus our mortgage. It would be tight but we had finally made a decision. We visited a ranch home in Marlboro last weekend which has some pros and cons but overall it is a really nice place. It is currently empty. We don't know how long it has been vacant but that means we could move right in! The oil heat is a huge expense but we decided that we'd manage. We had been playing with the numbers for a few days and we spoke with the landlord on Tuesday to ask some questions and tell him that we were interested. We made our decision on Wednesday and I wanted to call as soon as I could. I was super excited. I was a bit disappointed when I got his voicemail but I left a message.

It was time to refocus on work. A few hours went by waiting for the phone to ring. Nope, all quiet. I was getting worried but I figured he was a busy man and he'd get back to me when he could.

At 11:00 I received an email from our realtor with the subject line "Offer coming in!!!" I was almost knocked over by emotion. I could barely breathe... This was my lucky day. The tides were turning. The message said that they definitely wanted to make an offer and we'd have it by the end of the day (which in Colorado is 2 hours later than NY). I had to have patience to make it through the rest of the day. I could not focus. Work was not making sense. I had my brain on the "blur" setting.

click, click, click, click, click.... We're approaching the top of the coaster... This is the scary part... The part I don't like...

The phone rang at about 3. The voice on the other end did not sound good. It was the landlord. We were too late. He received a deposit from someone who just beat us to it. Crap!! I was so bummed. I had gotten myself so excited for the house and I DID NOT want to start searching again. I am not a huge shopper and I really dislike calling a gazillion people to schedule appointments to shop for a place to live. It was back to the drawing board... Yuck!!! Oh well, what can you do? I guess we just have to move on. Maybe this was a sign. Maybe we needed to keep looking for a better opportunity. After all, we didn't search for very long. This was one of the only places we looked at. Did I mention before?? I really dislike shopping.

At least we still had the offer, right?? I was able to keep moving through the rest of my day. I was mostly going through the motions because I was completely bummed and still anxious about the house. Finally it was 5:00. I was able to head out to pick up the kids.

I got to the kids' school and I was so happy to see Aidan and Amanda. Their smiles always make me feel better. Unfortunately Aidan had a rough afternoon. Amanda wanted to play with another little girl and Aidan felt left out. He cried and didn't want to talk to anyone. He just pouted and whined. Typical Aidan but I was hoping for happy children.

We got home and fortunately my mom was out so we had some time to ourselves to deal with the events of the day. Jon and I were both bummed about losing the rental and we discussed our game plan. We did have an appointment to see another place tomorrow which I never cancelled. I'm trying to get excited about that. I started making dinner and got the kids some juice. Aidan was upset that I put the juice in a cup rather than a cup with a lid. I explained that he was good with his cup and that he should enjoy the juice. He went in the livingroom and a few moments later he told Jon he spilled. We went in to clean up the mess and noticed that there was no mess. I questioned Aidan and asked him to please be careful. Amanda came in to the kitchen a few minutes later and said "mommy, mommy, please come here." I tried to put her off thinking that she was just fighting with Aidan and I was trying to cook. She wouldn't let it go so I finally went in the room to see what was going on. Well, Aidan did spill his juice this time. It was covering the table and quite a few puzzle pieces and toys that were laying around. I ran to the kitchen to get paper towels. When I returned the juice was dripping off of the table and on to Amanda's plush princess chair. Ugg, I was pissed. I sent both of the kids to their room while I cleaned up the mess and I was starting to lose my mind. I was anxious, upset and downright edgy. I went back to making dinner and tried to relax.

While dinner was cooking I went in to our bedroom to check the email to see if there was an update from the realtor. Finally, there it was!!!! Unfortunately, I was instantly crushed!!! It was sooooo low. I probably shouldn't go into too many details but I really don't care right now. I need to get this off of my chest and I guess this is the reason I started writing this blog to begin with. We started by asking $228K in March. Since the market has been so difficult, we kept lowering our price. We currently sit at $203K. I hated lowering it so much but we are getting desperate. We owe $192K on it. We've done so much work to this beautiful house and we've worked so hard to pay our mortgage on time and improve our credit rating. The buyer offered $189,900!! I couldn't believe my eyes. I went into a spiraling rage and couldn't control myself. I had to get outside. Jon and I just held each other for a few minutes in disbelief. What was happening to us??!? We sent a message to our realtor explaining that the offer was unacceptable and that we were not going to pay someone to take our house. It was pretty obvious that these people wanted to buy a house they couldn't afford. We are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Of course, we gave a counteroffer but it sounds like they only got approved for $182K and they were coming with cash for the rest. They wanted a quick closing which all would have been great if they could afford our house! They loved it and they are trying to go back to get more money but with the way lending is right now, I'm not optimistic!!

How could one day be so emotionally draining? We were able to get through dinner without too much turmoil. We put the kids to bed as quickly as possible and I curled up under the covers with my comfy jammies to watch the debate. I fell asleep about an hour in and I'm sure I needed the rest.

Some days are better than others

2008-09-26T13:54:00.002-04:00

And some days are crappy. Fortunately today can neither be classified as crappy nor non-crappy. It is just a "meh" day. The weather outside is pretty bleak but I like rainy days. I just wish I was sitting in my beautiful living room with a roaring fire and my 3 favorite people. Oh right... I don't have a beautiful living room or a roaring fire. Well, technically I do have both but they are currently 2000 miles away and they do nothing for me today.

Aidan and Amanda are doing well. Amanda has a bit of a cold with runny nose and cough. Aidan seems to be pretty healthy. I guess this will be the roller coaster of daycare. Speaking of daycare, I should probably update how they're doing. Amanda absolutely loves her time at school. She gets super excited when it is time to go to school and when I drop the kids off, she immediately runs to whichever activity has grabbed her attention. Aidan also loves school. He is having a more difficult time getting acclimated. He gets very excited when we talk about school and get ready. He is also very happy when we get to school and they start their day. This is why it is very confusing when I arrive to pick up the kids and the afternoon staff tells me that Aidan had a rough afternoon. He has had more tear-filled afternoons than I would have expected. The girls tell me that he usually gets a bit upset when parents start arriving to pick up their kids. Unfortunately I have a 45 minute drive from work to pick them up and I don't get out of work until 5. They are usually the last ones picked up in their classroom. Their teacher, Ms. Jane, is a very nice person and she appears to really enjoy having the kids around. She tells me that both kids usually have a good time. They participate in all of the activities and are very polite and raise their hands. I think it is just going to take some time for Aidan to figure out the new routine. Things have changed so many times in the past year and it is hard for most 3 year olds. Fortunately Amanda is doing really well and she is able to help Aidan occassionally. I mention "occassionally" because the times that Aidan has cried at school, Amanda had no interest in helping him. The teachers describe Amanda as "intelligent, confident and articulate" but.... "she isn't very nurturing." One of the teachers described a situation where she approached Amanda while Aidan was crying and asked Amanda if she wanted to help Aidan. She said "no, thank you" and went back to playing. I guess you can't fault her for telling the truth!!

Amanda is fully potty trained and quite proud of herself, Aidan has no interest whatsoever! He is amazingly independent and wants to do everything himself, except go potty and dress himself. He always wants to open/close doors, climb in and out of the car, turn on tub and sink, ect. He never wants help with those things and he gets VERY upset if you try to help him. I know that this is all a process and I can't rush either of them. They will do things at their own pace. Other than that, I took them to their 3-year check up. They're both growing really well. Aidan is 35.5 lbs and just shy of 40 inches and Amanda is 30 lbs and about 37.5 inches. They are doing well developmentally.

Jon and I are doing OK. Things have been a bit rough lately with normal day to day stress. The house still hasn't sold. Believe me, you'd know if we had a bite! We've lowered the price numerous times but it is still a victim of a bad market. We're now trying to find a reasonably priced apartment so that we can have a place of our own while staying with our heads slightly above water. We did join a bowling league for some weekly relaxation. We were on a league in Colorado and we loved it. Most of our enjoyment was from the team we had in Colorado but we'll enjoy this nonetheless. We know quite a few people in the league and it is nice to have a reason to go out at least once a week. We can be quite the hermits and with the stress of living with extended family, we need to get out of the house more often. I just hope we can find a new place to live before the relationships are strained to the breaking point.

Fall is upon us. It is absolutely my favorite time of the year. I always look forward to the nice crisp air and being able to step outside in the morning and take a deep breath. Somehow I always find a smile.

I'm not really the praying type but we appreciate all good thoughts and wishes so that we can somehow move on with our lives...

I promise pictures. I have tons, I just need to get them on the computer.

CakeWrecks

2008-09-17T08:52:00.001-04:00

I have to steal a post from my cousin, Erin, and share the most amazing blog I have found in a while. Be careful, you can get sucked in and spend hours going through the history of posts!

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com

School Daze

2008-09-08T12:29:00.002-04:00

It is time for school to start. My babies! My babies are starting school tomorrow. It is only part-time preschool and they won't really start school for a few years but this is the first step and it is going to snowball from here.

I'm so excited for them. I think they are going to love their program. They are joining a nice little local preschool three days a week. Taryn and I took Aidan and Amanda to their school a couple of weeks ago to meet the teacher and tour the school. It was love at first sight. I hope I'm not disappointed.

We had an appointment with the school director and the class teacher at 10. The school was so cute. When we walked in to the building we walked into a main entry area with a large side room of 4 and 5 year olds (I'd guess). We walked straight through the kitchen area to a large classroom for the 3 year olds. There was a group of probably a half-dozen kids sitting in tiny chairs facing an assistant teacher who was going through the time, date and weather. It was adorable. After learning that it was Friday, August 29th, 2008, one of the kids went running to the window to update the class on the weather. He informed the class that it was a sunny day. I couldn't help but smile. Aidan and Amanda were invited to sit with the class while I spoke with the teacher, Ms. Jane. Amanda immediately ran and grabbed a seat in the row. Aidan was a bit more hesitant and stayed in the back for a moment (which was exactly what I predicted). Aunt Taryn helped him put a seat at the end of the row so he could sit near the group. One of the other little boys got so excited and started moving his chair. The assistant teacher asked him where he was going and the little boy stated quite clearly that he wanted to go sit by "him" and pointed at Aidan. He moved his chair and sat next to his new friend. The new friendship did not have an opportunity to grow because it was time for the class to go outside for playtime. The group lined up and headed outside.

After the group was gone, we received a bit of a tour of the room. There was an area for the lunch boxes, nap cots and daily supplies from home. Aidan wanted to take another little boy's lunch box. I explained that it was for someone else and we'd have to get him one. He was so excited at the thought of getting his own lunchbox. The teacher then introduced the class pet, marshmallow, the bunny. The kids were a bit intimidated by this giant fluffball in a cage but they did seem to like to look at him. While Ms. Jane and I were discussing details, the kids were able to play with a giant sand/water table that was full of uncooked elbow macaroni. They had a bunch of different scoops and tools to play with. They thought it was super cool! It is hard to do the school justice with the brief discription but it was definitely everything I imagined.

After finishing the classroom tour and program overview, we toured the rest of the school. They have a great outside area with different toys and play areas for the different age groups. They have a nice hill on the side of the building that the teacher said was great for sleighriding. The kids loved the playground and all of the new toys. They absolutely did not want to leave. Fortunately we were able to tell them that they could come back to play with the toys very soon!

The program is great. It has enough structure for a 3 year old to learn a daily routine but is relaxed enough to avoid putting too much pressure on them. They have scheduled potty time which will be helpful for Amanda to remind her to take a bathroom break before it is too late (which is typical when fun is a higher priority than potty time). The potty breaks will also help Aidan with his potty training. While Amanda has been virtually accident free for weeks now, Aidan doesn't seem to care about being wet. I've been keeping him in underpants all the time except bedtime (unless we leave the house). The scenario is typically the same. He'll wet his pants and cry, I'll recognize the situation and run to the potty with him. He'll sit down to try and finish going on the potty while he cheers up a bit. He finishes on the potty with an enthusiastic "I tried" and "now I get new dry underpants?" I haven't been able to convince him to stay dry and I hope that the constant accidents will lead to a self awareness of the need to pee. At school, I hope that being asked to try at 9, 12 and 3 will help him. I don't know if they insist that the kids try or how they "train" them. The school director told me that the do work with the kids on potty training and they change all of the diapered kids after each potty break or as needed. We'll see how that goes. They have snacktime in the morning and afternoon which is provided and I have to send them with lunch each day. They have an after lunch naptime and the structure is similar to their daily schedule at home.

I am absolutely thrilled that they are starting this program. I've been saying for a long time now that I really want Aidan and Amanda to meet other kids. I also want them to have a structured routine that includes education. Being home with my mom has been great for them. They have spent an amazing amount of time outside playing. Now I'd like for them to have a balance between play and advanced learning. I strongly believe that infants, toddlers and preschoolers are constantly learning but that doesn't mean that it has to be formal. They learn from everything including television, playing outside, riding bikes, playing ball, doing puzzles, ect and now they'll get added lessons. They have crafts, learn to use scissors, learn to read and recognize the alphabet and basic words, identify the seasons, and all of the other things that may have been introduced but never formally instructed. Other parents may disagree with my beliefs but that is the wonderful thing about life, I can raise my kids the way I think is best. Now they'll have a nice blend of the love of being home and the structure of school.

Of course all of this added benefit does not come free. School is going to cost us a bit. We've been lucky thus far since my mother has been staying with them since we moved. Before that we sacrificed income by having one parent home at all times. Jon was a great stay-at-home dad and it saved us a ton of money on infant/toddler daycare. Now that they're getting older they need more than just a loving babysitter.

I just hope we can balance everything now. We're going to embark on a new adventure. An adventure of getting the entire family up and out of the house each morning. I've been trying to get up earlier and do more for the kids before heading to work. I had enjoyed getting ready without worrying about a morning routine for the kids. My mom would come up around the same time the kids woke up and she'd take care of everything for us. It was wonderful. Now, I'll have to go through feeding, dressing, potty routine, loading the car and out the door every morning which is new to me! Jon and I had a conversation about the process but I have a feeling there will be a few frazzled nerves and late starts before we get a good routine going. Hopefully before it takes too long we'll be in a house of our own and things will be a bit easier. That is a vent that deserves its own post. In due time... Priorities call, I must get work done.

summer parties, birthdays and anniversaries, oh my!

2008-08-18T01:26:00.000-04:00

In the battle of The Robertsons vs. summer, summer has definitely won. I can't keep up. Every weekend has been insane. Before I go in to details, I'll try to update about my dad. In typical fashion he has been difficult. He was transferred from Mt. Sinai to a local rehab facility almost two weeks ago. I went to visit him a few times when he first arrived. The first visit was very depressing. He was very moody and down in the dumps. He didn't say much and he was just miserable. The next day Jon and I decided to take the kids to visit him. They haven't seen "grumpa" in a while and had been asking about him pretty regularly. Fortunately this visit was much more positive. He was very happy to see the kids and the kids were happy to see him. They seemed a little overwhelmed by the situation and they didn't like the strange facility. We only stayed for a few minutes because Aidan started to get cranky but it was a nice visit. Due to the insanity in my life, those were my only visits to the rehab. The updates that I've received from everyone else who has visited have been mixed. He has had a few opportunities to leave for a few hours here and there. Some of the trips have been more positive than others. Without going into horrible details about my father, I will just say that he can be quite cranky when friends/family disagree with his desires. Last Friday, against everyones wishes except his own, he was released from the rehab. No one can predict how this will evolve. Will he do his therapy? Will he listen to the doctors? No one knows. I can guess. He called me on Saturday. He sounded wonderful. He was home and happy. He said that he was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm going to try and visit this week. We'll see what happens.

OK, back to my inability to keep up. Aaagh!!! Life was so much easier when it was boring. We had few friends, no family and small children that didn't run in two different directions. Colorado was very different. I always missed my family and I was always jealous that I couldn't attend all the exciting events. OK, the decision seemed easy. We can sell our house, get great jobs and have tons of family around. Damn, we can't sell the house. No one wants to buy it. The market is eating us alive. We can hold on but for how long? We are definitely wearing out our welcome and I'm ready to have some space of my own again. We are fortunate and should be appreciative that we have a place to stay and we can afford to pay our mortgage. Try as hard as we can to put it out of our day to day consciousness, it is nearly impossible to avoid getting emotionally bogged down. I need to move my emotions away from the uncontrollable problems to things within our control. I can't do anything about the house. We've discussed our options and the only one that seems feasible is waiting. So, we wait...

Hectic weekends were part of the excitement and allure of moving back to NY. We wanted to be involved with our family and friends. I forgot what it was like to be constantly on the go. I guess we never knew what it would be like with a family and two careers. This is all new to us. July kicked off with the birthday weekend and fourth of July. OK, we can bounce back from an insane weekend. The kids were out of sync for a while but we did a pretty good job at predicting that and anticipating the difficulties.

The following weekend was my cousin Siobhan's wedding. It was a wonderful event. Saturday morning started with a family service at temple followed by a brunch at Siobhan's parents house. After heading home to put the kids down for a nap, we were off again. Saturday evening was an informal rehearsal dinner at the bowling alley. I love bowling so I was pretty excited to join the festivities. We did not expect to be invited to the bowling party so it was a last minute addition to our weekend. I'm glad we were asked to join the group. There were a lot of people that I hadn't seen in years. While visiting and chatting, we bowled. Aidan and Amanda joined us and they were able to bowl with their cousins, some of whom they hadn't seen in a very long time. They thought that bowling was the best thing ever! We could hardly rip them away when the night was ending and we had to get them home to bed. We didn't get them out the door until almost 10pm!!! They rambled the entire way home about how much they loved bowling. They can't wait to go again. We finally wrestled them into bed cranky and over-tired. While at the bowling alley Taryn and I asked Siobhan if she needed any help with anything for the wedding the following morning. She asked us if we would be willing to come early and hand out programs. We happily accepted. We all woke up early, hit the diner for a quick breakfast and then ran home to get showered and dressed to get to Innisfree Garden where the ceremony was being held. It was a bit of a drive so we had to make sure to get on the road early. To make a long story a bit shorter, the wedding was gorgeous! A reception followed at The Vassar College Alumni House. Another beautiful location. I wish we would have had a better chance to enjoy the party but that is nearly impossible with two small children running in circles. By the end of that evening, I was so exhausted. I don't know how we survived!

The following weekend was my mother's 60th birthday! We had a really nice boat ride, dinner on the riverfront in Newburgh and a ride up the river to see some fireworks at the riverfront in Poughkeepsie. Another late night for all involved. Aidan and Amanda must think that life is just one amazing ride. They love riding on Papa Oscar's boat and they both got to drive the boat (while sitting on Papa Oscar's lap, of course!) Amanda didn't even want to go down below to lay down. Aidan crashed out for a while in the cabin but Amanda didn't want anything to do with resting. She wanted to be the captain the entire way home!

Whew, did you think that was the end of it?? Nope, not even close. We're heading in for the heavy hitting weekends. The next weekend, which was July 26-27 (if you had any chance of keeping it straight) was Jon's company summer party. It was held at the Mohonk Mountain House. Lake Mohonk has got to be one of the most beautiful locations. People come from all around to visit this area. The lodge costs at least $300 a night just to stay there! Fortunately for us it was all courtesy of Jon's company. The picnic started at 8am and was planned for the entire day. It was a gorgeous morning so we loaded the kids into the Jeep, no doors or windows, for a beautiful drive in the country. We arrived early and immediately headed for a hike to the tower which overlooks the entire area. The kids were amazing and only started to complain about 50 yards from the top. The hike was rated as moderate so I was impressed with all of us! We enjoyed the views and took a nice stroll back down stopping to play briefly and sit in some of the amazing gazebos that overlook the lake. We planned many activities for the day but first we needed to join Jon's co-workers for a nice picnic lunch. The lunch was delicious and I got to put a few faces with the names I'd heard on many occasions. As lunch was wrapping up, the skies got dark and a intense storm started to roll in. We all ran for the lodge. They have a beautiful wrap around porch that overlooks the lake so we all sat on the handcrafted wood rockers and watched the storm. It was an amazing storm but if you recall from the beginning of this story, we drove the jeep WITHOUT DOORS AND WINDOWS. After about two hours of pouring rain we decided that we should just call it a day and head home. The Jeep was soaked but it didn't ruin the fun we had already had! A damp ride home followed by warm baths completed another busy weekend.

I was going to stop there but I'll just keep going. Apologies to anyone who has kept up with me thus far. You might want to take a break, stretch your legs and catch up again later if you'd like :)

We've hit August.... Not so fast. July 31, a day that my parents would probably like to forget :) The day that I was born. Mom, Oscar, Taryn, Jon, Aidan, Amanda and I went to Loughrans, a great Irish restaurant and had an amazing meal. It was just the start to the birthday/anniversary celebration. In order to help Jon remember both my birthday and our anniversary, we decided to get married two days after my birthday. August 2, 2003, five years ago, Jon and I exchanged vows with our friends and family on a beautiful mountain top, Lookout Mountain, in Golden, Colorado. I can't believe that it has been 5 years. That is a different post all together. Also, 8 days after our anniversary Jon celebrates his birthday. We thought it would be much easier this way.

On our anniversary my company was having a summer picnic. It was held at Lake Compounce amusement park in Connecticut. We could have blown it off but we knew the kids would have fun. How can you pass up free tickets to the amusement park? We drove out to CT and the kids had a great time. We got there early and they had a blast on all of the kids rides. They had only been on a couple of rides before so this was a new experience. They thought it was amazing! After a few hours on the rides, we walked to the picnic pavilion for the lunch. As we approached the picnic area, the skies opened up. What is it with us and rain during our picnics?!? Oh well, we stayed positive and sat in the pavilion while the rain poured down. We enjoyed our lunch for a bit longer than we anticipated and then when it finally cleared up after a couple of hours, we went for more rides. Finally it was time to call it a day since we had more plans for the afternoon/evening. We headed back to NY and went to Meekers house for a party they had to celebrate the recent NY Giants superbowl victory. August 2nd just happened to be 6 months since the superbowl and since many of us weren't able to enjoy the game together we all made plans to watch the playoffs and superbowl together on a big screen on the deck. It was also Bob Meeker's birthday so even more reason to celebrate. We always have a reason to party! We enjoyed a nice evening but after multiple attempts to put the kids to bed at Meekers we gave up and went home. We were exhausted anyway. I needed to get up early since I had a baby shower for my friend Heather on Sunday and I offered to make a few snacks for the party.

The following weekend, August 9-10, was one that we had been anticipating for most of the summer. My mother gave Jon, Taryn and I tickets to Monty Python's Spamalot on Broadway for our birthdays (Taryn's birthday is Aug 24, she is two weeks younger than Jon). Mom offered to watch Aidan and Amanda for the day and we were off! We got up super early to catch a train to NYC. We decided to play tourists for the day. We started with a double decker bus tour of Manhattan. All the years I've lived in NY and visited the city, I've never done most of the touristy things. I've been to the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building but it has been quite a while. We stopped at Battery Park and contemplated taking a ride to the Statue. The line was so long we gave up quickly. We walked through ground zero and over to Wall Street and then grabbed the bus to go up to the rest of lower Manhattan. We had a nice lunch in Times Square and then walked uptown to FAO Schwarz. After playing in the toy store for a while :) we headed across the street and took a carriage ride through the park. I've always wanted to do that. After the ride we went to one of my favorite spots, Jekyll and Hyde's Club. This is a restaurant I've been to many times but it is always fun. If you haven't been there and ever have an opportunity check it out. It is at Avenue of the America's (6th Avenue) and Central Park South. It is a bit pricey but fun nonetheless! Once we finished dinner and enjoying the club we needed to head back to Times Square for our show. Spamalot was one of the best shows I've ever seen. It was so unbelievably funny! We had such a great time. My cheeks were hurting for laughing and smiling! We caught a 11:15 train home and by the end of the night I was so happy to get my shoes off and plop in my bed. Sunday was Jon's birthday. We had planned a boat ride to celebrate but the weather turned nasty in the afternoon and we had laundry and grocery shopping to do. We did have a great bbq to finish out a wonderful weekend!!!

You'd think it would end there... Nope, we're gluttons for punishment. This past weekend we decided to take the kids to Sesame Place in Pennsylvania! Jon and I left work early on Friday and Taryn came over to join us. We took the 2.5 hour drive down to PA and had a hotel booked a few miles away from the park. We had a room with two beds. Taryn, Aidan and Amanda in one bed and Jon and I in the other. Taryn nearly got kicked out of bed by Aidan. Apparently he is a very wild sleeper. I guess I could have suspected that! She had to sleep at the foot of the bed so that he wouldn't push her out. We got up Saturday morning and did the water park part of the park all day. They absolutely loved it. Initially Aidan was not a fan and wanted to watch from the stroller. He has had a fear of the pool this summer for some reason and we haven't pushed the issue. He is content so we don't worry. Finally he started to warm up to the idea and before long they were all jumping around! We were so exhausted after the park and dinner that instead of our planned game of cards, we all fell asleep while trying to put Aidan and Amanda to bed. They didn't nap at all on Saturday so you'd think they would actually be tired. Nope, they wanted to jump on the bed. I didn't even realize that we had all fallen asleep until we were awoken by Aidan crying at around 1am. I suspect that his stomach was upset from eating everything in sight at dinner. He wanted his mommy so he climbed over in bed with me and Jon. Aidan and I fell asleep rather quickly (I think!) I woke up a few hours later realizing that Aidan was pushing me out of bed. I glanced around quickly and noticed that Jon was gone. He had already been pushed to the floor. He was sleeping wrapped in a comforter at the foot of the bed. I wrestled Aidan to the other side of the bed so we could get some sleep! Sunday greeted us with another gorgeous day, not too hot or humid and lots of sun. This time we were going to avoid the water rides and head for the other attractions. First stop was the roller coaster. I am not a fan of roller coasters. I guess that is not the truth. I hate roller coasters. Taryn also hates roller coasters. Aidan and Amanda saw the coaster from the moment we arrived on Saturday and couldn't stop talking about it. We promised them it would be the first ride. Fortunately it was not a monster coaster like you see at Six Flags. It was pretty big in my terrified opinion. Jon loves coasters so he reminded us that we shouldn't scare the kids. I knew Aidan would freak out at the last minute but I had faith that Amanda would be a trooper! She doesn't frighten easily. I decided to sit with Aidan so he could have his mommy if need be. Taryn sat with Amanda and Jon sat behind us all. We actually had a good time. Taryn, Aidan and I freaked a bit but we all survived. They had a video booth at the end and we saw our expressions. Our faces told the whole story! We went on many rides, climbed the rope net, went to the "Elmo's World" show, watched the parade and did all the other things that Sesame Street obsessed preschoolers would want to do. By around 3pm we had a bit of amusement park rage and decided it was time to hit the road. None too soon because the kids started to enter meltdown mode and within 5 minutes of being in the car they both passed out!

All-in-all it has been a good summer. We've had our ups and downs. I'll try to be better about updating since things should calm down now. We actually don't have any plans next weekend. Sunday is Taryn's birthday and hopefully we'll do something nice to celebrate but that is it. I'm sure we won't be sitting around the house for most of the weekend. We'll probably go visit dad at some point.

Before I end this ridiculously long post, I have to share some wonderful news!!! Amanda is potty trained!!!! She made it through the entire trip without a single accident. She even woke up with a dry pullup (we use pullups at night just in case!) There have been a few times when I was concerned but she has been great. She even had to wait a few times when there wasn't a potty. Yesterday at Sesame Place, we were in a very long line to get in to the park and when we were about 3 groups from the entrance, she had to go. We were able to make it in to the park (with her crossing her legs and bouncing back and forth) and get to the potty in time! She is amazing. Aidan, on the other hand, has no interest. He won't even try anymore. He doesn't want to get dry pants. He doesn't even care if he is dry. We'll have to figure this one out!

Other than that, work is going well for both of us. We've been busy but that is good. No news on the house either. We are thinking about lowering the price again so we can get rid of it but our realtor seems to think we should hold on for a bit longer. They think we're positioned really well so we'll give it a few weeks.

I'll try to get some pictures from our many adventures on here soon.

I wish there was a better reason to post

2008-07-28T09:07:00.003-04:00

The phone rang at 6:30 on Friday morning. I wish it didn't. I wish there was no reason for the phone to ring. It was my friend Kelly Meeker. She had bad news. My dad was being brought to the hospital. It was the word that no one wants to hear. Stroke. Yup, my dad had a stroke. No one knows when it started. Since there was very little background on the stroke, the hospital didn't have many options. There are very brief windows of opportunity. I called my boss to give him a "heads-up" and immediately headed to the local hospital. After a few hours of very tense waiting, the local hospital sent him down to Mt. Sinai hospital in NYC. They thought that Mt. Sinai would be better able to treat the condition. Unfortunatley no one could figure out where the clot occurred. Mt. Sinai wasn't able to do anything either. They checked him in and told us that they would watch him closely. He's still there and probably will be for a while.

Taryn and I drove down to NYC on Friday afternoon. Taryn had a class last week that was finishing up on Friday. She had no choice. She had to go. I went out to my office and grabbed my computer, checked a few messages, and headed home. I got home around the same time that Taryn finished class. We hit the road and got to the hospital around 4pm.

Dad looked so small and frail in the hospital bed. He was sleeping when we arrived. That wasn't unexpected. He had slept most of the morning when I was at St. Luke's (the local hospital). He woke up after one of the many rounds of nursing visits. It appears that he has mostly left side weakness. He isn't really slurring his words but he is talking very slowly. He has little use of his left hand right now and I'm not sure how his leg is doing. He is also having trouble swallowing. I also don't know how longterm these issues are going to be. The doctor told us that the main issue will be perception. I'm not sure what that means but they said that the "left side of his world will be non-existent." They said that he'll need a eye check once he is out of the hospital to see what really happened. My dad has worn glasses most of his life. It was very strange to see him in the hospital without them.

Personally, I don't know if I have really accepted that this has happened. I have been thinking about dad constantly but I feel like I haven't given myself an opportunity to be sad. I wanted to be strong for my family. I have to remember that my kids need me.

I'm really at a loss for words. I thought that writing about how I was feeling would help me but all I feel is lost. I'm sorry. I'll try to update about all of the other insane things that have been going on around here in the past few weeks. All I can say is that I'm exhausted. Physically and emotionally exhausted.... If anyone is reading this, please have a good thought about my dad. It would mean a lot to me!

Bye-Bye Ba-Ba

2008-07-08T09:10:00.006-04:00

We now have 3 year olds! I'll explain the title in a bit. First, the weekend!

Fourth of July is a really nice way to kick off your birthday weekend. Unfortunately, Friday was anything but relaxing. Since the weekend was going to contain multiple birthday parties, it was time to prepare. Mom, Oscar, Taryn, Jon and I all came together to get ready for the party at our house. We were more productive than any of us had ever expected. Jon and Oscar worked their butts off outside. The yard looked so wonderful! They mowed, cleaned up the weeds, built up the support on the deck and did so much to make the yard look great! While they were outside, we were inside. You never realize how much cleaning is needed until you start looking with that critical eye before a party. We put ourselves into it and the place looked great. Take a few breaks to go to Sam's Club and the grocery store and we were as ready as we could get. We decided to celebrate the 4th after all the work and bought a beautiful London Broil to throw on the grill. After all the hard work it was wonderful to sit down with a great dinner and some drinks to celebrate. OK, enough sitting down, we needed to get back on our feet and head out to see fireworks!

Aidan and Amanda have never seen fireworks. Until now they were just too little to venture out at 9pm. This year we thought they would enjoy the show and it was a wonderful way to kick off the birthday weekend. We headed to Beacon to enjoy the fireworks with the Meeker and Simmonds families. We parked our car at Simmonds' house and walked over to the park. It was a fun walk with about 20 people winding through the back streets to the field. The show was a bit slow to start but once it got going it was beautiful! Aidan did not like the noise. I had a feeling he would be upset by it. He is one of those kids that complains if the music is too loud. Once the show started he buried his head in my chest and slowly started peeking as the pretty colors grabbed his interest. He spent the entire time with his hands and my hands covering his ears but he loved the show. Amanda covered her ears for a few minutes but she decided it wasn't too bad and she had a great time! After the show was over we walked back and hung out for a while. An old family friend stopped by and it brought back so many memories. By 11pm we realized how late it was and we decided to end the day and get the kids home. The fun had just begun!

Saturday was the party in Beacon. We were up bright and early to get pulled together. I made baked ziti and we got the kids bathed and dressed. We had hoped to head out by around 10 and in typical fashion, we headed out closer to 12. After some confusion with picking up a keg for the party, we got to Mike and Julie's house and started the festivities. The guests were not expected until 3 but there was a lot to do in the meantime. The kids played for a while and we finally convinced them to take a nap at around 1:30 so that they would be ready for their party. They napped at my dad's house (who, by the way, is doing wonderfully after his bypass surgery! He came home last Tuesday and we're having trouble getting him to rest!). The guests started to arrive and everyone wanted to know where Aidan and Amanda were. We had some trouble getting them up from their nap but once they remembered that it was party day, they were ready to go! We all had a wonderful time talking, laughing, playing games and enjoying a beautiful day. There was a constant threat of a storm but it held off. We got a few sprinkles right around the time we decided to open presents but that was it. We tried on a few occasions to put the kids to bed but they refused! We finally convinced them to lay on the couch and watch a show. We visited with the remaining guests for a few hours. My cousin Mary ran home and grabbed her guitar and we had a great singalong. No Murphy party is ever complete without a few Irish tunes. At this point we had the kids out until 11pm again and we needed to get home since Sunday was another party.

Sunday morning started about the same as Saturday, party preparations. I made another baked ziti and we needed to start decorating and preparing for our guests. Jon's sister Mary and her son Charley arrived from Virginia around 9:30 (they left at 4:30am!!) and they were a wonderful help in preparing. Taryn arrived a few minutes later and also helped with the preparations. By around 11, I wanted to get the kids bathed and down for a nap so that we wouldn't have the same problem waking up as Saturday's party. Uh Oh, they had other things in mind. They did not want to nap. They were ready for the party. I guess we spent too much time getting them excited for their birthday. We put them down at 11:30. Aidan finally fell asleep around 1 and we took Amanda mom's room to try and get her to fall asleep. We finally had success around 1:30. I knew that would mean that they wouldn't be up by 3. Oh well! The guests started arriving and it was another wonderful day. We had so many friends and family that we hadn't seen in a long time. I had a hard time deciding where to spend my time. I was bouncing from conversation to conversation to try and visit with everyone. Before I knew it, it was 6:00 and people needed to head home. Crap! We hadn't even had cake or opened presents yet. We quickly brought the cakes out and fortunately we had time to enjoy that. The present opening waited until after we said goodbye to many of the guests that needed to travel home. We finished opening presents and were finally able to get the kids to bed at around 10. Another late night! Boy this birthday stuff is tough on those little systems!

They received so many wonderful gifts. These two kids don't have a clue how wonderful their lives are (or maybe they do! They are such happy kids). There are so many people that care about them. It makes us feel so blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives. They received a two sided kitchen/grill set from Grandma and Papa Oscar, food and cookware for the kitchen, a basket ball hoop set from Aunt Taryn, dress up costumes, books, waterguns, clothes, play-doh, a monster truck, badminton rackets, a "waterpiller" sprinker, bubble machines and so much more! In addition, Aunt Mary (Jon's sister) brought a bunch of Charley's old toys for them too! We needed to hide about 3/4 of the gifts so that they would not be too overwhelmed.
Yesterday (which was their actual birthday), while I was at work, they started the day with the race cars and trains, then moved to the play-doh, out to the kitchen set, back to the play-doh, out to the sprinkler, back to the books, over to the kitchen and back again! Aunt Taryn was exhausted when I came home from work. I ran around in the sprinkler with the kids and we had a blast. There was so much stimulation that we could see that it was starting to take a toll. We did one last birthday celebration so that we could officially end the birthday madness (and so that I could have an excuse to buy a Carvel ice cream cake). Putting them to bed was a task in itself!

That brings me back to the title of this post... Bye-bye Ba-Ba... Aidan and Amanda have always had pacifiers. When they started to talk, they renamed them "baba." We're not sure where the name comes from. I'm sure it has something to do with their bottles or something like that. They love their Ba-Bas. When they were about 18 months we transitioned to just using them at night and during naptime. Jon and I decided a while ago that we needed to get rid of the Ba-Bas entirely. It was decided that the birthday would be the time. We explained to them that big kids do not use Ba-Bas and we should give them to babies. Since they got lots of big kid presents for their birthday we used that as leverage. When we went to bed last night, they were very willing to give them up. I was shocked. They actually told us that they wanted to give them to baby Michael and baby Chloe. They said that they were big kids and the babies wanted them. I was so proud of my big kids! We sang our songs, tucked them in and closed the door for the night. Whew... We made it... Not so fast! They were not ready for bed. Too much excitement, too much sugar, not enough sleep. They were running on empty but they were bouncing off the walls. The birthday celebration was over but the kids had massive stimulation overload and they did not know how to settle down. We tucked them in numerous times and they kept popping up to play. Finally, at 10pm, Jon and I were going to bed (since we were EXHAUSTED from the weekend) and I noticed that the kids were still giggling! I decided to lay down with them to try and keep them quiet. It took a while but we settled down. I'm not sure how long I was there because I fell asleep in Aidan's bed! I woke up, both kids were asleep, so I headed back to my bed. Ahhh, it was finally over... Nope... Aidan woke up crying at 12:30. I went to calm him and he was so upset. I couldn't tell what was wrong. He begged for juice. I brought him a cup of water. He chugged it! Wow! He was thirsty. He seemed calm, I put him down and went back to bed. I must have only been asleep for a few minutes when I woke up to Aidan crying again. I went back to his room and layed with him again. This is very unusual for Aidan. I tried to calm him, it didn't work. He begged for juice again. It was now 1:30. I got him another cup of water. He chugged it again. This time he fell asleep! I left for work this morning with Amanda playing with grandma and Aidan was still out cold! Poor baby! Birthdays are hard work!

Here are a few pictures from the weekend...

Meekers! Enjoying ourselves for some fireworks.

Julie made 50 cupcakes! They were all devoured. Aidan and Amanda probably had 3 or 4 each!

Aidan and Amanda both received bubble blowers. Everyone enjoyed them!

Princess Amanda allows Daddy to adjust her crown :)

Aidan could not tear himself away from the book. He did not care that there were more presents to open.

Just because they share a birthday doesn't mean they need to share a cake!

This has got to be the coolest kitchen set ever!

Aidan was BBQ'ing while Amanda was heating up leftovers in the microwave!

Amanda enjoying her cupcake at Saturday's party

Aidan really liked his cupcake too!

Presents galore! Julie is on the right next to Liam. Aidan is hiding behind a pile of presents!

Amanda loves to cuddle with Kelly.

Aidan stopped playing hockey long enough to smile for a picture!

Ready or not, here they come!

2008-07-03T08:48:00.000-04:00

I can't believe that Aidan and Amanda are turning 3 on Monday. Where the heck did the years go? This has gone by so very quickly. I need to remind myself to enjoy every moment. It sounds so cliche but it is true.

Every day I look at Aidan and Amanda and I smile. They have such great personalities. My Aidan... He is a typical little boy in that he loves playing with everything. He loves to play ball or race his trucks around. Sometimes he likes to tackle his little sister and he doesn't seem to realize that she doesn't like it! If I hear "Mommy!!! Aidan hit me!!!" again, I"ll scream. Of course there is no avoiding that statement. Aidan hits. That is just who he is. He gets very excited and it comes out in a physical sense. He is also incredibly cute in his mannerisms. He loves to tilt his head to the side when he says things. It comes out in a very grown up way. He will sigh, tilt his head, put his hands up (as if to say "I don't know) and shrugs. Some of the comments include "I can't like dinner" or "no poops, just toots in my tummy." I wish I could describe it better because it is what makes Aidan a riot! He is my little man. I love him and want to squeeze him everytime he is in my sight. He loves being in the middle of any conversation and he absolutely worships his daddy and Papa Oscar. They were so cute this afternoon. Jon and Oscar were driving the lawnmower off of Oscar's trailer (he had taken it over to his mom's to mow her lawn) and Aidan stood there with his hands on his hips and watched the entire process with such excitement! He loves to make everyone laugh. He tries so hard. He has his dad's looks and sense of humor with my personality. Scary combination!

Amanda, my princess. She is my life size doll. She is the "snuggle-buggle" as we like to call her. She would rather climb up on someone's lap and cuddle than most any other activity. She, also, has an amazing personality. I don't know how we got so lucky! She loves to sit on a lap and have a very intelligent conversation! I haven't met anyone who hasn't been drawn in to Amanda's charms. She will cuddle with whoever is willing and she will talk your ear off. She has a smile that would melt your heart. I'm a little tired of hearing her whine "Aidan hit me" but I guess that is to be expected since Aidan is a bit rough with her at times. My baby Mandas is my little princess. She loves to have her hair put in "pretties" which is our term for any type of hair accessory. She is especially fond of pigtails. She loves when her Aunt Taryn does things with her hair . Just wait until Aunt Taryn decides to try braiding! I am horrible when it comes to hair design. I am not good at that at all! Amanda is not a "girly-girl" in the total sense of the term. She enjoys wearing a dress at times but she does not mind getting dirty. She loves to play with her brother and most of the time there is not apparent playtime gender differences between the two.

They are so excited about their birthday. Amanda keeps telling us that Aidan wants a Cars cake and that she wants a princess cake. This is the first time they have really shown an interest in a commercial character. I wish I could honor their request but it is just a bit too difficult. We're going for simplicity here since I'm the dumbass who decided it would be wonderful to have two huge parties for the kids. Yes, two parties.

Saturday is the party in Beacon with all the family. Liam is also having his birthday celebration so we decided to have a joint party. Liam turned two on Monday. This makes the situation a bit easier but it does have Julie and I trying to make plans without having a clue of how many people will show up. In typical Murphy fashion, Michael is spreading the word of the party and at the very least, the entire neighborhood will be there. I'm definitely looking forward to the day. It is the preparations that have me a bit batty. Julie and I are trying to split the responsibilities but I'm sure we're forgetting stuff. Julie is making 28 cupcakes so that we can spell out "Happy Birthday Liam Aidan Amanda." I have to go shopping tomorrow (yup, on the 4th) to get all the supplies for both of the parties. We're doing the typical BBQ fare with burgers, dogs, and baked ziti. We've discussed some side dishes as well as asking people to bring things. My fear is that we'll have a dozen jello molds and no hors d'oeuvres! LOL! In all seriousness, I think everything will go great, but ya know I have to stress.

Sunday is the party at my mom's house. This is (in my mind) the real birthday party. This party is just for Aidan and Amanda. Taryn and I have done the planning and we think we have everything covered. Taryn bought some decorations and supplies. We wanted to do a Mickey and Minnie theme but that is proving more difficult than I thought. The stores that I've looked at do not sell Mickey Mouse cake pans. Oh well. I'm sure they'll enjoy their party regardless of the cake. Taryn and I are going to try and make two different cakes and draw Mickey and Minnie on them. In any event, the kids will have cake! This party will be interesting. We're having a mix of people and most of them do not know each other. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone and it will be nice if we get a beautiful, relaxing day.

I promise to post pictures after the party! Now, I just need to finalize my shopping lists and make sure we have everything covered.

Triple Bypass

2008-06-27T10:06:00.001-04:00

OK, just a quick post. Yesterday was the big day. Wednesday went without a hitch and the kids spent the morning with Grandma Linda and Grumpa (my dad picked the name and it is not a misspelling. He loves being grumpy, it's his personality!). They spent most of their time outside with cousin Liam who lives next door. At around 11, Sean walked up and picked the kids up and spent the afternoon with them. They took a great 2.5 hour nap and were happily playing when I arrived after work. Sean runs up to me and said "Aidan had a poopy diaper and I had to change him!" He was so proud of himself. He hasn't had to clean poop yet so I had a bit of concern in the back of my mind the first time Sean watched the kids. He had to bribe Aidan to change his diaper and gave him a cookie. Amanda then wanted a cookie and asked Sean to change her too. Sean was very confident and everyone had a good time. I'm so glad Sean is doing well with the kids. We can now feel great about having a new babysitter! It was good to have Sean in the area especially since there is so much family around. He knows that there are about a million people he can call if there is any problem. I am so proud of him.

We hung out at Meeker's house for a few hours that evening and then my dad walked down to visit. He wanted to take us out to dinner before the surgery. We went to a nice little place in town and had a wonderful dinner. He expressed some nervousness with the surgery which is very unlike my dad. I'm glad that he was sharing his feelings with us. We had a great conversation and when dinner was over, we really needed to get the kids home. It was after 9 and way past bedtime. The kids have been so busy this week that the exhaustion is catching up with them too. We said goodbye and wished dad luck. It was very touching seeing dad interact with Jon and the kids while exchanging I love you's. Linda broke down a bit with concern about the surgery and we reassured her that things would go well.

Surgery time... They got him in about an hour behind schedule but not too bad. The surgery lasted about 6 hours and he came through with flying colors!!! I received a phone call letting me know that he was in recovery and doing well.

Friday morning... I dropped the kids off at Julie's. I am very relieved that I have survived this week. I made it to work and the kids are in good hands. I just got a call that dad is doing very well! He is awake. His nurse last night happened to be Kelly Meeker's step sister. She is keeping an eye on him for us. She said that he was wide awake this morning and his color was very good. They removed the breathing tube and he is resting comfortably!

I plan on going to visit this weekend. I am just so relieved that the big part is done and now it is up to dad to rest and recover. Kelly's step sister said that he will be out of ICU today or tomorrow and should be out of the hospital by the middle of next week as long as everything continues to go well.

There is so much more I could elaborate on since this has really been a crazy couple of days but I'll save you the boredom :)

I miss my mom :(

2008-06-25T09:08:00.000-04:00

Wow! I never thought I would say that. Actually, that is not true. I missed my mom all the time while living in Colorado. Now that we're back in NY, I have spent way too much time with my mom and we were getting on each others nerves. This time it is purely selfish.

My mom and Oscar went to Montana last Thursday for a friend's wedding. They will be gone until the 30th. They are planning to visit Yellowstone as well as some other scenic places in the Rocky Mountain area. I've spoken with mom a few times and they're having a blast. I'm very happy for them. I'm also very stressed :) We love having the house to ourselves. It is great to feel like an independent family again. Unfortunately we are struggling to take care of the kids without mom and without full time daycare.

The original plan was to have my father and stepmother take care of the kids while we were at work. That would have been great. My dad is having triple bypass surgery tomorrow. He is very optimistic and most everyone is being very nonchalant about the whole thing. In my own selfish world, it throws a wrench into my plans.

Thursday (the 19th) I brought the kids to dad's for the day. It went very well. Yeah! One day down. On Friday my dad and Linda were heading up to see Linda's son in upstate NY. Linda has a new granddaughter and they have not met her yet. They figured it was the last time they would be able to visit for a while since dad will be having the surgery. So, I brought the kids to my cousin Julie's house (Liam's mom) and she spent the day with Aidan and Amanda. I heard that it went well. Taryn actually picked the kids up so that Julie could do a few things that she needed to get done before I was able to get there from work. I still need to get in touch with Julie. I spoke with her to watch the kids tomorrow and Friday while dad is in the hospital. We confirmed last week but I haven't spoken with her this week. I hope we're still on.

The weekend was nice. It was a bit hectic trying to do all the normal weekend things while arranging for this week. On Saturday we took the kids to a small carnival in the next town over and they had so much fun on the rides. On Sunday we did a little bit of everything. We had some cleaning, some grocery shopping and then dad wanted us to come down and visit for dinner. My cousin Ann was visiting with her parents up the street (she lives in Virginia) so we walked up to say hello. It was nice to see her and we visited for a few hours. We then had dinner with dad and spent some more time hanging out. By this point it was 9:00 and we needed to get the kids home and to bed since a rough week was about to start.

We confirmed that dad would watch the kids in the morning on Monday and then he had an appointment in Westchester for pre-op stuff. Our friend Meeker's son Sean offered to watch them until I got home from work. I got to Beacon on Monday night. Everything went well. Sean was tired but he had fun. The kids were in a great mood. We tentatively scheduled for Sean to watch the kids again today and I told him I would call to confirm. I got home Monday night, we had dinner and then I called dad to confirm our plans for Tuesday and Wednesday. Oh no! Big snag! Dad can't watch the kids on Tuesday. Too much to do before surgery. Crap. Call Sean... Nope, can't do it either. Has a rehearsal to go to at school for a moving up ceremony that they do with the students. Crap! Call Julie... No answer. Call Taryn... She has a field trip to NYC with her students. She won't be home until late at night... Crap! I called my boss and took the day off. I HATED doing that. I am not the type of person to leave someone hanging. I am also not one to be an intentional hypocrite. I always hated working with the people who seemed to always miss work due to problems with their kids. I always thought that it was unfair that they would get additional time off since they were parents. Oh well, time to move on. I needed to accept that this was the way it had to be for Tuesday. I spent the day with the kids worrying about work and worrying about the rest of the week.

I called dad last night. "Can you PLEASE watch the kids tomorrow morning???" He searched his mind and didn't foresee any problems. Yeah! I dropped the kids off this morning and he is supposed to call Sean when he gets tired so that Sean can pick up the kids (he lives 3 houses away) and watch the kids until I get done with work. Since dad is having surgery tomorrow I don't want him to wear himself out too much with the kids today. Now we just have to make sure Julie can watch the kids tomorrow and Friday. Taryn is done with school for the year tomorrow. She has half days today and tomorrow but she has plans on both Thursday and Friday so she can't help us with the kids. She will watch them on Monday so that should cover us until mom comes home.

Jon saw how worried I was and commented that this is how it will be once we have our own house. I don't think it will be this difficult. We'll have a set schedule and hopefully it won't be so much last minute arrangements. I just want to survive this week with my sanity.

I thank my mother every day for watching Aidan and Amanda. She doesn't think it is a big deal. This week is an example of how much I appreciate my mother. I miss her!

I'll leave you with a couple of pictures from this week. Fortunately the kids do not realize the stress I am feeling. They don't seem to have a care in the world and they absolutely love visiting with all the family and friends!!

Aidan and Amanda love hanging out in papa Oscar's hammock in the backyard.

This has got to be the cutest picture ever! The Meeker's have a cute little bench in their front yard. It is perfect Aidan and Amanda size.

Cousins!

2008-06-17T16:36:00.000-04:00

The title of this one is deceiving. It is really about Father's Day but the underlying theme is all about cousins. I wanted Jon to have a nice relaxing father's day. I knew that there wasn't a present or a card that could have said or showed what I felt. Instead I decided to make the day as enjoyable as possible.

I had planned on letting Jon sleep late. He woke up before all of us! I heard him gently whisper "the kids just got up" and he was already up and dressed. So much for letting him sleep late. I got up and since we didn't really have the necessary items for a big fancy breakfast, I got the kids ready and we headed to the diner. Jon is still getting used to how diners work. We have had a few meals at the diner but not Sunday Breakfast. It may sound silly but people who are from the east take them for granted. Denver doesn't have diners. The few that do exist are based on the novelty of them and do not live up to the high standards that "east coasters" have established. Anyway, I digress. We arrived at the diner and the line went out the door. Jon was flabbergasted. The line moved quickly and we had an amazing breakfast. More food than you know what to do with! The kids ate so much. I couldn't believe that we actually cleared so many plates. I think Jon may now be addicted! :)

After breakfast, we headed home for a few hours before heading to my cousin's house in Beacon. We must have eaten too much at breakfast because within a couple of hours of arriving at home we were all asleep! I was the first to wake up around 1:00. The kids and Jon were still sleeping so I layed down again for another hour. What a nice relaxing time! I don't know if we've ever done that before. The kids woke up next. I mentioned the party we were going to and the kids got very excited. Their excitement woke Jon and before I knew it we were packing up our stuff and we were out the door.

Beacon, NY, I still call it my hometown although I haven't lived there since I was a teenager. It is where many family members still call home. My cousin Mary lives across the street from her parents. Her brother, Michael and his family live a few houses down the street. My dad lives next door to Michael. The list can go on and does go on. To put it as easy as possible, I have a huge family and they all live very close. We arrived at Mary's house for the bbq. Most of the family was already there. We were greeted at the back gate by a warm rush of happy partygoers. The grill was heating up. The pool was full of kids. There were conversations in clusters around the yard. Many conversations stopped to greet us. Aidan and Amanda were immediately overwhelmed by all of the people that introduced themselves. "Hi guys, I'm __. I'm your cousin" Yes, they have all met before but when you are 2, it is hard to remember 6 months ago when they saw them last. There are many generations. This is my dad's family. He has 2 brothers. One brother has five children. The other brother has three children. There are lots of kids and they have lots of kids. Ahh, the Irish Catholics.

The kids run off to play with their cousin Liam. Liam is turning two in a few weeks. He is Michael's son and lives next to my dad. Aidan, Amanda and Liam have become very good friends. They will actually be celebrating their birthdays together since they are so close. We'll have one big family birthday celebration. Anyway, the kids were entertained. Jon and I went to visit with the family. Jon was given a nice cigar by my uncle. Many of the guys went over to the side yard and smoked their cigars while the rest of the folks hung around and chatted, had a few drinks, played darts and swam in the pool.

It was a wonderful day. Jon took the kids swimming in the pool. Amanda did not want to get out. Unfortunately I did not bring my swimsuit so Jon had to take turns with the kids. They swam with their older cousins a bit but eventually Amanda's lips were purple and I had to pull her out. She screamed! She has not been able to stop talking about the pool since that day.

After a nice long afternoon of visiting, it was time to head home. It was Sunday night and we had to get ready for another long week ahead of us. My mom is heading on vacation on Thursday and there is a lot to do to prepare for their trip.

ETA: I forgot that I never posted this... Ooops...

Finally! A wonderful weekend...

2008-06-09T08:50:00.000-04:00

This weekend was wonderful. Despite weather in the 90's with high humidity (which Jon isn't used to and I almost forgot), we had a great time. Before I get in to the details of the weekend, I must add that Amanda is doing great and is almost back to normal. No more fevers, no more ear goo, just a little bit of maintenance ear cleaning to make sure she doesn't get another infection. Aidan has been running a bit of a fever this week but no other symptoms. We're keeping an eye on him to make sure nothing gets out of control. I'm happy to say that things are slowly getting back to normal.

Anyway, on to the weekend!! We found out late on Thursday that my step-sister, Diana, was visiting from L.A. for the weekend. She works for DIC entertainment who produces shows/products like Strawberry Shortcake and Inspector Gadget. Anyway, she had to work in their NY office for a couple of days so she was able to stay with us for the weekend before heading back to Cali for work on Monday. Friday night after she arrived, we took the whole clan to Casa Mia, a wonderful Italian resturant that we all love. Aidan and Amanda ate almost an entire kids pizza while the rest of us pigged out on a ton of wonderful food. We were so stuffed at the end of the meal that we could barely move! There was a lot of fun conversation and laughter. It was the first time in many, many years that my mom, Oscar (step-father), Taryn (sister), Diana, and I were together. Add Jon, Aidan and Amanda and we had a great crew. We were only missing our other sister, Jen, who lives in Australia with her husband, Andy, and their son, Rory. There will be another nephew arriving soon as Jen is expecting baby #2 in a few weeks. Just a little history, Jen, Diana, Taryn and I have been together since we were barely teens. We're all very close in age. Jen is the oldest and a year older than I am. Diana is a year younger than me and Taryn is a year younger than Diana. We are now 33, 32, 31 and 30. It was definitely interesting when we were 18, 17, 16 and 15 in high school. I wasn't sure if Oscar would survive 4 teenage girls.

After dinner, Jon and I put Aidan and Amanda to bed (they were absolutely exhausted) and we went to visit a friend of ours, Kelly, who was celebrating her birthday on Friday. Kelly is absolutely hilarious. She was born 6/6/66 and she has flaming red hair (yes, it is entirely natural although starting to get a bit of gray, hehehehe). She always loves to say that she has "one better than the devil." We always have a good time with her and the rest of the clan from Beacon. Most of the people involved are related to me in some way. My cousin Mary and her husband were there as well as my dad and step-mother, Linda. We had a huge group of people and we had a few drinks and some great conversation. We didn't call it a night until almost 2 and we knew we'd pay for it on Saturday.

Saturday morning wasn't as difficult as I had anticipated. One of my best friends, Jen, from high school lives a few miles away and when I told her that Diana was in town, we decided that we'd have to do coffee in the morning. Since I have been away from New York and away from Dunkin Donuts for so many years, that was the plan! I ran up the street and picked up coffee and donuts for everyone. Jen brought her 6 month old son, Michael (or "Small" as we like to call him) over and we got to visit and take a time machine back to the early 90's. After a few hours and a lot of coffee and laughter, it was time for Aidan and Amanda to take a nap and for Jen to get Small in his carseat and go grocery shopping. We put the twins down for an early nap because Oscar wanted to take the family out for a cruise on his boat!

After a nap for the kids and a bit of planning, we were off to the marina! We fed the kids, Diana went to the deli and got sandwiches, snacks and drinks and we were off. We didn't get the boat ready to head out until almost 4 but we were ready! The temperature on Saturday was around 90 and the humidity was a bit high. We got to the boat at about 2:30 but we needed to get it ready. It has been in the water for almost a month but Oscar has been so busy with work and everything that it hasn't had a maiden voyage yet this year. We had to put up all of the canopies and sweep up the decks from the winter. Oscar has a pretty good sized cabin cruiser with a nice living area below deck and a bathroom and small kitchen area. After a bunch of sweat and hard work, we popped a few beers and hit the river. We headed north toward Kingston and we had a great ride. The breeze off of the water was wonderful and we had lots of fun. I'll try to post pictures later if I can figure out how that works. After getting to Kingston we headed down the Rondout Creek to refuel and get some dinner. It was about 8:00 at this point and we docked up and walked around the area. We stopped at a great little Mexican restaurant and had a wonderful meal complete with Margaritas! After dinner and a nice walk to enjoy the evening, we got back on the boat to take the 3 hour cruise back to Newburgh. The kids were able to fall right asleep in the cabin. It was great. We settled them down there and they had fun poking their heads out the front hatch. It was a perfect size for them. The hatch opened at about shoulder level so we didn't have to worry about them climbing out, they could just do a fun game of "peak-a-boo" until they passed out. Boy did they every pass out. They had so much fun and excitement that they were out cold after about 15 minutes. We went up to the top deck and had a great ride home. At about midnight I was exhausted and went and joined the kids in the cabin for the rest of the ride. I slept soundly until we docked at about 1. It is a good thing that my step-father loves boating in the dark because we had a wonderful, long trip!

We all slept in on Sunday morning and Diana arrived at around 9. She stayed at her grandmother's house a few miles away since we literally have "no room at the inn" since Jon, Aidan and Amanda and I are staying there. She came up to say goodbye to us. Mom and Oscar were going to take her to the airport for her flight. I made bacon and pancakes for everyone and we had another great morning and breakfast. After they left for the airport, Jon and I took Aidan and Amanda to Walmart and Sam's Club for a bit of shopping. The rest of the day was nice and relaxing. I got the rest of the laundry and cleaning done and we just had a good time!

This was a good weekend! Now it is Monday and we're all back to work. We're supposed to reach 100 degrees today and all I can say is "thank god for air conditioning!"

I am really going to try and post some pictures this evening! I know that I'm not supposed to finish a post without pictures so I'm going to try to get better :)

Touch a Truck

2008-06-02T08:37:00.000-04:00

First of all, Amanda is doing much better. She has this yucky ear goo but I understand that it is normal (as normal as you can get) for ear infections. She has had a good few days and although we have to clean her ear on a regular basis (which she does not like), she has been in a very good mood. Lets hope that this can finally be done!

On Sunday we took the kids to an event called "touch a truck." The local United Way had brought about 50 different types of trucks to a big parking lot at the Orange County Government Center. My cousin Erin was visiting from Georgia and she and her boys, Patrick (4) and Kamu (18 months), joined us. The weather was nice and in the upper 70's. The kids got to climb on a ton of different vehicles. They went on an 18-wheeler from toys r us and got to pretend to drive. They did get to pull the air horn which was not fun for all of the parents standing around. Imagine hundreds of kids all wanting to pull the cord! After the truck, they climbed around an ambulance. Amanda loved it so much that she cried when we told her that we needed to leave the ambulance for the next vehicle. The favorite of the day had to be the school bus. They were so excited! Amanda buckled herself in to the seat while Aidan jumped in to a seat with Patrick. They were so cute and they all kept rambling about how they couldn't wait until they could go to school!

There were so many vehicles to see and "touch." The Orange County Choppers had a bike there and there were military vehicles as well as large construction items. We spent a few hours until it was getting hot and very crowded. The kids were all starting to melt down so we felt that it was a wonderful time to call it quits and head home. I think they all had fun and we may very well do this again the next time around. This was the first annual so hopefully it was successful enough to bring back next year. I'm sure the kids will like it even more in a year from now!

I took a few pictures. I'll see if I can find time to get them off of the camera and on to the computer!

Edited to add: here are a few pictures that Taryn took on her cell phone. I haven't figured out the placement and editing so I hope they're OK.

Aidan in the Toys R Us truck

Aidan, Amanda and Patrick

Amanda in her favorite vehicle, the ambulance!

Amanda's 2nd favorite, the school bus. She actually buckled herself in the seat and then couldn't get out. Aunt Taryn had to help her out here!

Ah, cousins :) Aidan and Patrick in the school bus.

The weekend from hell

2008-05-29T12:22:00.001-04:00

As you can see by the fact that it is Thursday, the weekend from hell has lasted into the week from hell. I warn you now, this is going to be a really long story since it lasts from Friday evening until right now!

I mentioned earlier that Aidan and Amanda were staying with my dad and Linda on Friday while we were at work. When I went to pick the kids up they were both doing fine. About an hour after I arrived Amanda started getting whiney. It was quite sudden but not unusual. Amanda likes to be at home reading or doing puzzles and when she gets tired she whines that she wants to go home. I put her off for a while and we played and hung out with my dad, Linda and Taryn. After a while the whining intensified and I decided it was time to leave. I had parked my car down the street at Meeker's house since there is limited parking at dad's so I had to pack up and walk down the street. This is not usually a big deal but Amanda's whining turned into tears and I wasn't sure what was going on. We headed down the street with all of our stuff. I carried Amanda who was not willing to walk and dad and Taryn carried everything else. When we got to Meeker's house, Amanda perked up a bit and asked to see Sean and Kevin (Bob and Kelly Meeker's sons). I decided that we could visit for a while and see how Manda does. The meltdown was quick. She went from wanting to be there to sobbing within 15 minutes. I tried to comfort her and when that didn't work, we left.

We got home and it was about 7:30 at this point. Amanda seemed to be a bit warm and asked to take a bath. After a while in the tub Amanda started to shiver pretty fiercely which was strange. The water was warm and it was then I realized that something was definitely wrong. She started complaining about her stomach hurting. She had been coughing and had a runny nose so I told her to relax and that it was just a "yucky cold." I gave her Motrin and got her ready for bed. I took her temperature, I can't remember the exact number, but it was around 102. That was just the beginning.

She slept pretty well Friday night. I think she may have woken once or twice. Saturday morning the fever was still there and we gave her more motrin. Through the day on Saturday she ran a fever that topped around 104. I'll skip the details but Saturday was not a fun day. Her nose kept running and the cough wasn't any better. She still complained of her stomach hurting (anyone who has ever dealt with toddlers and preschoolers knows how difficult it is to find out "what hurts" on a small child). Saturday night we put her to bed, still running a pretty high temp. Since we don't have insurance, I decided to try to kill the fever on my own. During the night, the fever finally broke. Unfortunately it did not last long and by Sunday mid-morning, she was back up to 103. By noon she was up to 104 and we decided to take her to the doctor.

I stayed home with Aidan and Jon took Amanda to the doctor. Jon called me from the office and told me that there was only one doctor on-call at Medicus and that the wait would be 2.5 hours. Without much of an option, he ran some errands with Amanda and returned for the "appointment." The doctor diagnosed an ear infection and said that the fever was related. He prescribed antibiotics, told us to keep giving her Motrin and sent Jon on his way. I had guessed it was an ear infection earlier in the day when I noticed the glassy appearance of her eyes. She looked exactly the same when she was sick on her first birthday.

By Sunday evening she seemed a bit better. The fever was lower. I found it funny to be excited about a 100 degree fever but when it had been 104 previously, that was good! Sunday night the fever was back and stayed at about 103/104 all night. Needless to say, she did not sleep very well (neither did we!) We brought her into bed with us to keep an eye on her. I was very nervous about the high fever and wasn't sure what could happen.

Monday was much of the same. We had plans all weekend that we cancelled since Amanda wasn't feeling well. We were hoping that by Monday afternoon she would be well enough to go out to a bbq that we wanted to attend. I put the kids down for a nap and headed to the grocery store so that I could get that done before heading back to work on Monday. When I returned from a horrible visit to the grocery store (it was an absolute mob scene), Mom and Oscar were back home from Oklahoma. Amanda's fever was 104 and we weren't going anywhere! Later in the afternoon Mom and Oscar offered to watch the kids so we could go to the bbq for a while. Amanda seemed content to lay in the chair and watch TV. Mom was there so we weren't too concerned until..... her temperature hit 105.4. At this point I had no clue what to do. I gave her more Motrin since it had finally been over 6 hours since the last dose. I sat with her for a while and the fever started to subside. It dropped down to 103.7 and Jon and I decided to get out of the house for a while. The stress and lack of sleep were wearing us down. We went to Meeker's for the bbq for about 2 hours when mom called and asked us to come home. Amanda was being cranky and wanted mommy.

The next 12 hours were kind of a blur. To make a really long story a bit shorter, no matter what we did the fever wouldn't come down. She had been on antibiotics for over 24 hours and she had been running a fever over 72 hours. We were up all night (almost) and Jon and I had to work in the morning (Tuesday, if you were able to keep track). I gave her Motrin at about 3 a.m. and when it didn't drop the temperature after an hour I decided that it was time to head to the emergency room.

I took her to Vassar hospital and the people were really great. They were nice to us and got us through all the different stages very quickly. Before I knew it, the doctor was greeting us. After a pretty thorough exam he concluded that yes, it is an ear infection and by the looks of it, they are both infected. There was no stomach emergency and everything seemed fine (I mentioned it since that was Amanda's only complaint other than "I sick"). The doctor explained that although a very high temperature is worrysome that some children tend to run very high fevers. Since Amanda was a preemie and she had a very hard time maintaining her body temperature after birth, the doctor commented that her prematurity could be a cause for her to run higher fevers. This is not the first time she has had a high temperature. He also suggested that she could possibly have a UTI and we had to get a "sample" for testing so that we'd know if the antibiotics that she is on will work. I'll try not to be too disgusting but getting a "sample" from a 2 year old who is potty training isn't very easy. She is not used to using a potty that doesn't have a tiny seat with pictures on it. Fortunately after a few different tries and a lot of begging and bribing, she had success! By this point it was 6:00 and I was nearing the point of being late for work. I asked the nurse about a turnaround time on the test and explained that I was going to be late for work. I understood that this was a risk that I took going to the hospital and I have no problem with that but I thought it couldn't hurt to ask. The nurse said that she would have Amanda released and they would call us with the results if they were positive. The doctor also told us that I could give Amanda both Motrin and Tylenol at the same time which I was not aware of so they gave her a dose of Tylenol and sent us on our way.

I got home and got Amanda settled with mom. Jon was exhausted too since Aidan was woken up by Amanda at around 4 and he did not go back to sleep. Jon and I were able to get ready for work and both out the door only a few minutes later than usual.

Roll up to the present. Since Tuesday morning we've been going through all the normal motions. The fever is not entirely gone but she has not come close to 104 since Monday. She is sleeping like crap! She wakes up (if she was even asleep) multiple times every night whining for me. She tells me she can't sleep and just cries and cries. At this point I don't know what to do for her. I'm exhausted and am lacking any patience for anything. My mom thinks that her ears could be hurting still and that is why she won't sleep. She has never once complained about her ears but that was the official diagnosis. I don't know what the problem is. We have one more dose of antibiotic to give today and I guess we'll just see from there.

Oh well, back to work. I just needed to get that out! Phew!

Feeling much better!

2008-05-23T09:52:00.000-04:00

After a huge meltdown that controlled most of me and blurred my perspective, I'm back to normal and feeling positive. Yeah, there are still things that are worrying me but that is normal. I'm going to continue to be nervous about selling the house. I still have butterflies about my new job (which is going great so far) but I'm not going to second-guess any of the decisions that we've made. The future is going to be what it will be and that is fine by me! We have a ton of options at this point and I'm not going to rule anything out.

I started my new job on Wednesday and I really like it so far. I had a rough couple of days but I think it was just nervousness mixed with some inexperience working with Microsoft Access. It is now Friday and I have a long weekend to look forward to. The new job is going to be very demanding but that is what I was looking for. I wanted to put my education and experience to good use and try to make some money at the same time. My boss, JR, is a really nice guy and he has a pretty good sense of humor which makes it a bit easier. Yes, he is demanding but that is his job. He is a Sr. Vice President after all. I've met many of the people that work for him and they all seem pretty friendly. I'll be working with them on a regular basis with all of the different projects that JR has for me. I have a nice new Dell laptop that they've given me to use and once I get in the swing of things I'm sure I'll be very busy. I'm actually bored right now so I figured I would write a blog. I have two projects that JR has asked me to work on but both of them are in other people's hands right now and I don't seem to have anything that I can do now.

Aidan and Amanda are down at "grumpa's house." My dad thought that grumpa was more appropriate so we went with it. My mom normally watches the kids but she and Oscar went to Oklahoma for a family reunion this weekend. They left very early this morning so Jon and I got the kids out of the house at 6:30 so that we could make it to work. Now I see what it will be like having to get them ready for daycare in the future. It all seemed a bit hectic but it really wasn't too bad. I got most of their stuff pulled together last night and we just had to potty, dress and leave this morning. The hardest part was getting myself ready for work which coordinating all of the activities going on this morning. Aidan was a bit cranky when he woke up since he is not used to being woken in the morning. He stayed cranky until we were almost at my dad's. That was when they traded places and Aidan was happy and Amanda got a bit cranky. She didn't want to go inside and she stood on the sidewalk crying.

After avoiding a near meltdown we were able to get them situated so I could get to work. I hope that the day is good for all of them. It has been a rough couple of days for Dad and Linda. My father had a cardiac procedure done on Wednesday and the doctors determined that not only had he recently had a heart attack (which he had no knowledge of) he needs to have triple bypass surgery. Dad is his normal positive self and treating the whole thing like a bad hangnail. Linda seems to be pretty upset about the whole thing. I told Linda that my dad is tough and he'll get through this just to be able to torment her for as long as she lets him! I know my dad. I'm nervous but optimistic. Bypass surgery is quite common these days.

Other than that, Jon has been working a ton these past few weeks. He had 16.5 hours of overtime just last week. Yesterday he didn't get home until after 9 and he was incredibly exhausted. I can only imagine what he is going through. He really seems to enjoy the job.

We're looking forward to a nice relaxing long weekend where we can just hangout and do whatever we'd like. We don't have any official plans and there are a lot of different things we can do if we want. It is really nice to have options but no commitments. Since mom and Oscar are away, we have the entire house to ourselves. Yippee!!

Where do I begin?

2008-05-07T22:58:00.001-04:00

Really, that isn't just the title. Where could I possibly begin?? This has been the week from hell. When I think that things are looking up, I overanalyze and turn myself into a wreck. Let's start with the house since that is the most depressing and I want to get it out of the way. Aside from a bazillion showings, no one wants our house. I keep hearing the same thing. It's beautiful, but... the kitchen is too small, ect, ect. Nothing big, nothing we can control. The realtor just emailed me with the feedback. Everyone loves it but there is always something. Now, the lawn is starting to look yucky. Spring has sprung and there isn't anyone to take care of the lawn. The sprinkler system can be turned on but we don't have anyone to do it. The realtor offered and I accepted but it can be tricky. If only I could be there for an hour and do all of the little things that need to be done. I am willing to wait for the offer but there are going to be things that come up like this. Once the sprinkler is on, the lawn will need to be mowed. The place probably needs some fresh air. I don't need the added stress. I don't want to drop the price any more. I think it is worth the price but the economy sucks. I'm not going to argue politics but if anyone is trying to find a job, sell a home, drive a vehicle or feed their families, it is pretty obvious. Unfortunately for us, we're trying to do all of the above! I just want to cry. OK, enough of the house blues. I just makes me wonder if I did the right thing...

Yes, I said "if I did the right thing" not "if we did the right thing." I take full credit for the sad state of affairs. Yes, Jon and I agreed to move but it was with my persistence. I swore up and down that it would be great for us. "We should be close to family", "We can get great, high paying jobs", "We can buy a wonderful house for our family and our future." Who was I kidding? I have been trying so hard to keep a positive attitude but I'm losing my strength. Jon has a great job that has potential for big things. He could have done the same in Denver. Should we have left? I got a job today (more about that later) but could I have done the same in Denver? Probably. Family means so much to me but is it worth the risk? The risk that seems more and more like a failure. Don't get me wrong. I love seeing everyone and that is the least of my sadness. Gambling is so unlike me. I like to have everything completely mapped out. This gameplan seems to have had too much emotion and not enough common sense. The market is bad, we can't sell our house. The market is bad, no one is hiring for anything really worth much. The cost of living in NY is high and seems to be getting higher with all the problems.

I need to pause and mention that this is a vent and is sounding more and more pathetic as I continue but I need to get it out.

OK, on to the job situation. I have been looking for a job with little success for about 6 weeks now. The recruiters are stacking their lists of candidates for the market turn their hoping for. This doesn't help anyone who is looking for a job. I mentioned in a previous post (I think) about a job as an auditor which had a lot of travel. I didn't get the job as the auditor but they thought enough of me to recommend me for another job in the company. The position is as the business manager of the technology division. The interview was scheduled for yesterday. I should mention that I was feeling horrible on Monday and I wasn't much better yesterday. My ears were bothering me, I was running a fever and my head was horribly congested. Right before I started getting ready for the interview, I received a call from Pepsi. I had applied for a position as a finanical analyst and they wanted to a quick phone interview. Despite feeling like crap, I must have done well enough that they wanted to meet me next Friday. I accepted. I got off the phone and went to my interview at Mediacom (the business manager). I was definitely not myself but I met with a couple of the big wigs at the company and I couldn't find my brain. I must have done OK because they called and made an offer this morning. I would be working for the Senior Vice President of Technology as his business manager doing all of the budgeting, forecasting, and financial analysis for the division. It really does sound like a great job but... the offer is less than I was hoping for. What do I do now? I told them I wanted to talk it over with my husband and get back to them. So I weigh my options. Do I wait to meet with Pepsi next week? Do I accept and turn down Pepsi? What to do, what to do? After a lot of soul searching and stuff I won't bore you with, I decided to accept the job. The job at Pepsi wasn't the position I was hoping it would be. I reviewed the job posting again and it seemed quite monotonous and boring. Yeah, great potential in the future but it is a bit of a commute and the salary they were discussing would be put directly into the commute. Mediacom is close and can give me great experience. Now I'm second guessing myself. Should I wait? The market is tough and I don't know when the next opportunity will present itself. We could really use the money and the salary is decent. They offer great benefits. I was hoping for more and came to NY with $$ in my eyes. After lots of conversation with Jon we came to the conclusion that this is a great opportunity for me. If this is a great opportunity why am I so conflicted? I'm getting such a "woe is me" attitude. Between the both of us we can make a good living and once we sell our house we'll be fine. We can afford to support ourselves and this could be the best scenario. I am having doubts. I haven't officially accepted yet but I have decided to accept the offer. I did make a counteroffer but they said that they couldn't change the offer.

OK, I'm done. I need to think happy thoughts and not worry about everything. It will all work out. It has to. At least I have a great support network of family and friends who seem to think that I'm capable of anything. Up until this point I have succeeded and pulled it off. Can my streak continue?

Public or private

2008-04-30T11:31:00.000-04:00

OK, since I have shared with a few people that I have this blog, I should make it less ambiguous. It is going to be semi-private. I will and have shared with people I feel comfortable with reading. Those of you who have blogs have helped me to feel comfortable with my own thoughts. I am feeling quite alone which is weird considering I am physically close to a lot of people. There are some people that I would prefer didn't read this and I have a feeling that they would never know this existed (even with my comments on other blogs). I'm going to keep this short since I have two kids that need my attention but I wanted to clear the air. If you know about this site it is because I wanted you to know. :)

Oh, and a little added note... This morning started more potty training. We sat on the potty and spent the morning running around in underpants or nothing at all. We had a few accidents but Amanda went #1 and Aidan went #2!!! Yup, first time! This one goes in the record books :) Thats all for now.

Potty progress!

2008-04-29T21:41:00.000-04:00

Today was THE BIG DAY. We started by sitting on the potty and talking about our big trip of the day. We were heading to the store to buy underpants. I've been talking it up with the kids for a while now and starting yesterday we talked about it to the point of excitement. After a hectic few hours of breakfast, potties, dressing and miscellaneous activities, we were out the door on the way to the store.

We spent wayyyy too much time and money in the store but I felt it was worth it. We first went to pick out big kid underpants. After each kid picked two packs that they wanted (Amanda got Tinkerbell and My Little Pony; Aidan got Cars and Mickey Mouse) we wandered the store picking up a few odds and ends. They both picked out stickers for rewards when they went on the potty. Then we got a Go Diego Go toilet seat ring so they can sit on the big potty if they wanted to.

To supplement the potty supplies, we got some big kid toys to show them what big kids can do. We got a t-ball set, 24 pack of crayons (they only had 8 before), finger paints, bubble bath and bathtub crayons. Yes, they were definitely spoiled today. I didn't even mention the follow-up to the underpants trip. After buying the entire store and having two extremely excited two-year-olds, we headed to Chuck E. Cheese. Am I nuts? Yup!

We have never been to Chuck E. Cheese. It was a rainy day and I wanted to have a very special day with the kids so we went to play. They had so much fun. They climbed through the jungle gym and rode on some of the kiddie rides they have. We ate a bit of pizza (when I could get them to sit still long enough to take a bite). At a point in time which was well past naptime, I decided it was time to leave. There was a bit of crying and screaming involved but I was able to carry leftover pizza, a soda, my bag, Aidan and Amanda through the door and to the car without any major injuries. About 15 minutes from home they both fell asleep.

Sleeping in the car is not good for naptime. When we got home Amanda and Aidan were exited with the purchases and told grandma about everything. I had a very hard time getting them down for nap. Amanda finally passed out but Aidan played quietly for about 45 minutes. I finally allowed him to get up so he didn't wake Amanda. He came to my room and hung out with me and then I decided to try spending some alone time with Aidan to work on the potty.

I took Aidan and his new underpants and we went in the bathroom for a while. I won't bore with the details but it was successful! He was so proud of himself. By the evening both of the kids had gone on the potty and they were so excited!

We took a tubby with the crayons and the bubblebath and it was mostly successful. Amanda has been really scared of the bathroom for a few weeks now and I'm not exactly sure what to do. I hope that more bathtime activities will help but I think she is just scared of my mom's tub.

That's it for tonight.

Trying to "stay the course"

2008-04-23T21:37:00.000-04:00

After my long rambling post the other day, I've had a chance to go back, reread what I wrote and reflect. Sounds so much more intellectual than it really was. I didn't do any job searching yesterday. I made a few phone calls today but that was it. I need a couple of days to see if anything develops. I have other priorities.

Amanda has been running a pretty high fever the past few days. It topped out at 103.9 last night and scared the crap out of me. I know that kids can run high fevers but there wasn't any other symptoms. She threw up yesterday afternoon which was a shock to me. We had gone to the park and played outside for a few hours so I thought she was just hot from being outside. She was slightly lethargic but she insisted that she was fine. When she threw up it was shocking and I thought she was just hyperventilating again. She did that a few weeks ago when she was upset. She hasn't thrown up since yesterday afternoon but the fever continues. I tried to keep her laying low today.

Grandma took Aidan outside this afternoon to ride his tricycle. He really enjoys himself and he is getting better every day. He did have a couple of minor crashes today. His first crash was on the tricycle and he skinned his knee. He cried for a couple of minutes but he calmed down pretty quickly and wanted to play more. After riding the bike for a while, he switched to playing with his dumptruck. He was having a blast and then the truck got away from him and he fell on the other knee. Yup, double bloody knees. He was a real trooper and showed everyone his knees all evening.

Oh well, I'm going to rate this a decent day and I'm going to go watch Law & Order.

Overwhelmed...

2008-04-20T21:19:00.000-04:00

is the only way I can say it. I'm feeling very overwhelmed. I had intended this blog to be an outlet for my frustration and then I was torn with whether I should make this public and let people know about it. I have friends who have blogs and they're shared spaces. I'd like to let everyone know how Aidan and Amanda are doing but there is so much more to the story than just roses and daisies.

I'm a 32 year old woman with a husband who is wonderful but frustrates me on a regular basis. I'm trying to support my family but I can't find a job and I'm running out of patience. I'm living in a house which is not my own. I need to sell a $200K house in a market that isn't helping my anxiety. There are so many risks and so many gambles. I want the support of being able to reach out to the people who I care about and who care about me but I don't want to seem whiney. I over analyze everything in my life and I can't find an outlet that makes me feel comfortable.

I've been avoiding my blog for a while now because I can't decide which direction to take in something as simple as a public journal. Yes, I should keep this to myself. On the other hand, I would love to be able to share thoughts without feelings of being boring someone with the details. If someone reads this page, I have a feeling of sharing without forcing it on anyone. Even writing this feels weird. Does everyone go through these personal battles or am I just a freak? I guess I've already decided to keep this personal so that I can be as open with my thoughts as I want.

I'm having such a hard time right now. I am so easily irritated by everything. I know that it is a result of so many factors but I feel out of control. I have one potential job that has so many pros but soooo many cons. The job has so many fascinating aspects but it requires travel which is virtually impossible with a husband and twins. The career I have dreamed of is finally within my reach and I have so many other wonderful pieces to the puzzle that I really have to figure out what fits in my big picture. I want a career but I want my family and the downtime. I'm sure this is the battle many people feel but this is new to me. I have always had the career and climbed and climbed. Now I'm to the place that I had hoped to reach and I have to decided how high I can climb without sacrificing my life with Jon, Aidan and Amanda as well as all of the other wonderful people that are a part of our lives. We moved to NY to be closer to the family and now I'm potentially limiting my time with them because I have dollar signs in my eyes. I just keep hoping that I find the right balance.

The house is still on the market. No offers have been made. I constantly wonder if there is something that we did wrong. I know how horrible this market is and we haven't gotten many complaints but I'm always extremely self-conscious. We just lowered the asking price by $5k. I hope that is enough but it seems like such a minor adjustment. I'm getting a little bit better with my level of patience. I am starting to realize that I won't get a job overnight, we won't sell the house immediately, and things will be rough for a while. I just need to accept that there are estimates for a reason. The estimated time to sell a house in Denver is about 3 months. We've been on the market for one. I should anticipate a 6 week long job search. It has been about 3 weeks. I just have to enjoy my time with the kids and not worry so much.

This is so easy to type out but is it going to be easy to accept all of these frustrations? I am constantly yelling at Jon for stupid crap because I don't like whatever it is and I get irritated. I get stressed with mom when she says things that I don't want or care to hear but I have to remember that she is enjoying my company and she has been very alone for along time. I have to remember that Aidan and Amanda are two and are going to behave like two year olds. They are not going to have maturity that I want to expect sometimes. They will be difficult and I have to accept it and teach them. They need time and patience.

Speaking of Aidan and Amanda, I'm working on potty training right now. They are not doing very well but again, I have to remember that it is a process and I can't expect them to be perfectly potty trained in one day. They are going to have accidents and they may not pick it up for a while. I just have to keep working on it and not give up.

I have very little patience some days and I just need to take a deep break. My life is not going to fall apart over the next few weeks or even months. My family is healthy and Jon has a good job. We have a place to live and people who love us and care about us. Aaaahhh, deep breath... This is very relaxing.

Tomorrow will be a relaxing day. I will play with my children and I will not worry about finding a job. I have a few people who are working on things for me and I need ot remind myself that they'll call when they have a lead. I have also applied for multiple jobs that I am qualified for and I need to wait for them to respond to me. I do not need to freak out every day. I can take a day or two off to allow for the wheels of business to turn. Tuesday will be another day.

Maybe I'll take the kids to Chuck E Cheese tomorrow to play...

The interview looms

2008-04-07T22:03:00.000-04:00

The interview for the auditor position is tomorrow. It was supposed to be next Tuesday. That would have given me an opportunity to find a comfort zone. The HR recruiter called this morning. I guess I should first back up to the beginning, Friday. I received the call I mentioned in the last post. I called back and left a message for the recruiter, Erica. Erica finally called me back late in the afternoon. Fortunately the kids were down for a nap and I had a few minutes to chat. It was a great conversation and it sounded like Erica was really impressed with my resume. She mentioned that the position has up to 20% travel (which I knew from the website) and asked if I would be OK with that. I said yes but I knew that I wasn't sure if I was OK with that. I wanted to have an opportunity to think about it more and I didn't want to put them off on that immediately. The conversation continued and she finally said that she was eager to bring me in to meet with the hiring manager, the vice president of finance. Gulp. I'm getting really nervous. she followed by saying that the manager would be out of the office this week and asked if I could come in on the following Tuesday. That would be great. That would give me a chance to talk to Jon and think over the options.

Fast forward to this morning. Mom and I are just getting ready to walk out the door to take the kids to the mall and the phone rings. Guess who? Pretty easy to guess. It was Susan the recruiter. She said that the manager was not out of the office this week and wants to meet with me tomorrow if that is OK. I said "sure, thats great!" Aaagh! I'm not emotionally ready for this. Why am I such a freak? Can I live up to my own expectations? Can I do the job and handle the travel? I wanted to see what other opportunites are available before this. I don't know if they're going ot offer me the job or not. I'm over analyzing this to death. I wonder if the job has been listed for a long time because they can't get anyone to take it. That brings me to my woes where I said to myself "they only want me because they've run out of options." I hate doing that to myself but it comes out of habit and I can't stop byself. Do other people feel this type of insecurity?

Oh well, the time has come... I should go to sleep so that I can get up early to go to my interview. 9:00 is going to come before I know it. Wish me luck. I need it :)

Jon's first day

2008-04-03T10:27:00.001-04:00

Jon loved his first day at work. He seems so excited about the opportunities available to him. He thought that he was going to be in over his head since he doesn't know how they do things around here and he definitely navigationally challenged. I ordered a GPS system for him yesterday and I hope that it helps him feel more comfortable. His first day could have been considered a day and a half since he worked over 12 hours! He came home in a good mood and hungry so that is a great start. His second day (yesterday) was just as good and he didn't have to work 12 hours again. They did a smaller job at a local restaurant/banquet hall and he came home with a positive attitude.

I had a meeting with a recruiter yesterday in Rye, NY which is about 1.5 hours from here. It was a good meeting and the recruiter seemed impressed with my resume and experience. He said that he was going to meet with his boss and see if they have any contacts who are looking for a person like me! He said that he would call early next week so that is promising.

This morning I woke up bright and early with the kids and it is another rainy day. We had a good morning and I called a good friend of mine, Erica, in Colorado. It was great talking to her and the conversation made me excited for the prospects for the future.

Apparently right after we got off the phone, I received a call that I didn't hear. I just checked my phone and noticed that I had a voicemail. The message was from a woman regarding a resume that I submitted to a company for an accounting position. She wasn't calling about the accounting job but rather a different job as an internal auditor. I immediately called her back but I got voice mail. I left a message and went to the internet to see if I could find the job posting for the audit position. I found the info and all I can say is WOW! I'm not going to get worked up because I don't know all of the details and if they'd even hire me but it sounds like a really interesting position. I won't bore with the details but it would be involved with identifying process weaknesses, reviewing financial statements and reporting, and working with senior management on different financial concerns. Boring stuff for most people, but excitement for me. It also listed that there might be a small amount of travel involved for a bunch of different things like seminars, meetings and training. I know, I know, too much excitement for something I haven't even discussed with the hiring manager yet. I guess it just reminds me that I have skills and education that someone actually might want in an employee! I had applied for staff accountant and they call me for internal auditor!

Oh well, I just needed to get some of that out of my system. I'm on cloud 9 and just happy with life at the moment. Happy Friday!

and so it begins...

2008-04-02T12:58:00.001-04:00

I've wanted to keep a journal for a long time. I rationalized that I never had the time. I've lost track of so many milestones in Aidan and Amanda's lives and it makes me sad. Now is the time. I don't need a reason. We're finally getting settled in NY. We've been here for almost 3 weeks now. Jon got a job on Monday and officially started today. I'm excited to see how his first day went. It is starting to seem real. Up until this point everything seemed like a really strange vacation. I still feel like we live in our house in Colorado but we're staying here temporarily. I need to get used to the fact that I will never live in our house in Colorado again and we're starting a new chapter in our lives.

The house is on the market. The realtor seemed optimistic at the start that it would show well. I hope that stays true. We've had a lot of showings but no offers. I know that it takes time to sell a house but I am not a very patient person. The comments have been varied. Some have said that it is beautiful with great curb appeal and others said that it had some smells in the garage and has a small kitchen. We can't do anything about the size of the house! The garage smells and unfortunately that will only get better with time. Jon smoked out there for 5 years and fortunately that is the only room that smells! It is the garage for goodness sake! Oh well, we just need to wait. I keep reminding myself that the longer it is on the market the more equity we build (although we do pay more interest).

Jon's job seems promising. He was worried about applying to the company because they specialize in residential alarm systems which wasn't the direction that he really wanted to go. The good thing was that there was a high likelyhood that they would hire him. He called a few times around Easter but he did not receive any return calls. We finally decided after about a week that he would drive over and drop off his resume. That was on Thursday. Friday evening at around 5:30 Jon went to pick up some pizza for dinner and almost immediately after he left, the phone rang. It was the security company calling. I excitedly asked if he could return the call as soon as he came back. How is it that we can sit around the house all day, every day waiting for the phone to ring and the second we leave the phone rings? I guess timing really is everything! Oh well, Jon was able to call them back and they asked to meet with him at 9 on Monday morning. The hired him immediately and he was asked to start in their FIRE ALARM department on Wednesday. He was excited. He is working on a 3 story retrofit which should be right up his alley. Besides a bit of nervousness on both of our parts, he took off this morning to start work at 7:30. I'm excited to see how it went.

I haven't had any luck with my job search yet. I got really excited when a big recruiting firm called me less than a week after we arrived. Unfortunately I've been playing a horrible game of email/phone tag since then. I don't get it. They called me very excited and explained that they wanted to meet with me. The guy who called was from their Stamford, CT office which is a bit of a trip from here (about 2 hours). He suggested that he would get in touch with his White Plains office to have them work with me. He said since the next day was Good Friday that I probably wouldn't hear anything until Monday. It has now been a week and a half and I still haven't heard anything. I've sent 3 emails and left 2 voicemails. Is something seriously wrong with me? Why isn't he calling back? I'm getting frustrated, disappointed and nervous. Is my job search going to be this difficult? I thought I had an impressive resume. Oh well, we'll see how it goes.

Aidan and Amanda are settling in nicely. They are super happy to be here with grandma and papa Oscar. The don't even seem to care that we left Colorado. They either adapt really really well or they are just too young to realize what is going on. We explained before we moved that we were leaving Colorado and going to live here for a while. They haven't questioned a bit of it. We threw away their cribs in Colorado and got them a bed here and they accepted that immediately too. They are wonderful! Unfortunately they are both sick right now. They both have a nasty cough. This started last week when I was feeling crappy the day after Easter. I assumed that I had caught something during the holiday when visiting family in Beacon. Then Jon got sick. By Wednesday night, the kids both woke up multiple times in the middle of the night with pretty high fevers. The fevers eventually broke but a nasty cough remained. We're still trying to shake the cough. We've had a few restless nights but it is getting better. I'm looking foward to some nicer weather so that we can take the kids to the park and get them outside for fresh air more often.

I can't forget to mention Smokey (the cat). He is having the worst time of the family. He is trying to get used to my mom's cat, Sasha. Sasha is very teritorial and does not like Smokey at all. We're hoping they will get used to each other but it might be a while. They have been fighting since day one but the intensity is decreasing.

I guess that is all I have to report at this point. I feel like such a weight is lifted now that I've written this first entry. I'm hoping that it is easier to continue as time goes on...