I miss my mom :(

Wow! I never thought I would say that. Actually, that is not true. I missed my mom all the time while living in Colorado. Now that we're back in NY, I have spent way too much time with my mom and we were getting on each others nerves. This time it is purely selfish.

My mom and Oscar went to Montana last Thursday for a friend's wedding. They will be gone until the 30th. They are planning to visit Yellowstone as well as some other scenic places in the Rocky Mountain area. I've spoken with mom a few times and they're having a blast. I'm very happy for them. I'm also very stressed :) We love having the house to ourselves. It is great to feel like an independent family again. Unfortunately we are struggling to take care of the kids without mom and without full time daycare.

The original plan was to have my father and stepmother take care of the kids while we were at work. That would have been great. My dad is having triple bypass surgery tomorrow. He is very optimistic and most everyone is being very nonchalant about the whole thing. In my own selfish world, it throws a wrench into my plans.

Thursday (the 19th) I brought the kids to dad's for the day. It went very well. Yeah! One day down. On Friday my dad and Linda were heading up to see Linda's son in upstate NY. Linda has a new granddaughter and they have not met her yet. They figured it was the last time they would be able to visit for a while since dad will be having the surgery. So, I brought the kids to my cousin Julie's house (Liam's mom) and she spent the day with Aidan and Amanda. I heard that it went well. Taryn actually picked the kids up so that Julie could do a few things that she needed to get done before I was able to get there from work. I still need to get in touch with Julie. I spoke with her to watch the kids tomorrow and Friday while dad is in the hospital. We confirmed last week but I haven't spoken with her this week. I hope we're still on.

The weekend was nice. It was a bit hectic trying to do all the normal weekend things while arranging for this week. On Saturday we took the kids to a small carnival in the next town over and they had so much fun on the rides. On Sunday we did a little bit of everything. We had some cleaning, some grocery shopping and then dad wanted us to come down and visit for dinner. My cousin Ann was visiting with her parents up the street (she lives in Virginia) so we walked up to say hello. It was nice to see her and we visited for a few hours. We then had dinner with dad and spent some more time hanging out. By this point it was 9:00 and we needed to get the kids home and to bed since a rough week was about to start.

We confirmed that dad would watch the kids in the morning on Monday and then he had an appointment in Westchester for pre-op stuff. Our friend Meeker's son Sean offered to watch them until I got home from work. I got to Beacon on Monday night. Everything went well. Sean was tired but he had fun. The kids were in a great mood. We tentatively scheduled for Sean to watch the kids again today and I told him I would call to confirm. I got home Monday night, we had dinner and then I called dad to confirm our plans for Tuesday and Wednesday. Oh no! Big snag! Dad can't watch the kids on Tuesday. Too much to do before surgery. Crap. Call Sean... Nope, can't do it either. Has a rehearsal to go to at school for a moving up ceremony that they do with the students. Crap! Call Julie... No answer. Call Taryn... She has a field trip to NYC with her students. She won't be home until late at night... Crap! I called my boss and took the day off. I HATED doing that. I am not the type of person to leave someone hanging. I am also not one to be an intentional hypocrite. I always hated working with the people who seemed to always miss work due to problems with their kids. I always thought that it was unfair that they would get additional time off since they were parents. Oh well, time to move on. I needed to accept that this was the way it had to be for Tuesday. I spent the day with the kids worrying about work and worrying about the rest of the week.

I called dad last night. "Can you PLEASE watch the kids tomorrow morning???" He searched his mind and didn't foresee any problems. Yeah! I dropped the kids off this morning and he is supposed to call Sean when he gets tired so that Sean can pick up the kids (he lives 3 houses away) and watch the kids until I get done with work. Since dad is having surgery tomorrow I don't want him to wear himself out too much with the kids today. Now we just have to make sure Julie can watch the kids tomorrow and Friday. Taryn is done with school for the year tomorrow. She has half days today and tomorrow but she has plans on both Thursday and Friday so she can't help us with the kids. She will watch them on Monday so that should cover us until mom comes home.

Jon saw how worried I was and commented that this is how it will be once we have our own house. I don't think it will be this difficult. We'll have a set schedule and hopefully it won't be so much last minute arrangements. I just want to survive this week with my sanity.

I thank my mother every day for watching Aidan and Amanda. She doesn't think it is a big deal. This week is an example of how much I appreciate my mother. I miss her!

I'll leave you with a couple of pictures from this week. Fortunately the kids do not realize the stress I am feeling. They don't seem to have a care in the world and they absolutely love visiting with all the family and friends!!



Aidan and Amanda love hanging out in papa Oscar's hammock in the backyard.


This has got to be the cutest picture ever! The Meeker's have a cute little bench in their front yard. It is perfect Aidan and Amanda size.

Cousins!

The title of this one is deceiving. It is really about Father's Day but the underlying theme is all about cousins. I wanted Jon to have a nice relaxing father's day. I knew that there wasn't a present or a card that could have said or showed what I felt. Instead I decided to make the day as enjoyable as possible.

I had planned on letting Jon sleep late. He woke up before all of us! I heard him gently whisper "the kids just got up" and he was already up and dressed. So much for letting him sleep late. I got up and since we didn't really have the necessary items for a big fancy breakfast, I got the kids ready and we headed to the diner. Jon is still getting used to how diners work. We have had a few meals at the diner but not Sunday Breakfast. It may sound silly but people who are from the east take them for granted. Denver doesn't have diners. The few that do exist are based on the novelty of them and do not live up to the high standards that "east coasters" have established. Anyway, I digress. We arrived at the diner and the line went out the door. Jon was flabbergasted. The line moved quickly and we had an amazing breakfast. More food than you know what to do with! The kids ate so much. I couldn't believe that we actually cleared so many plates. I think Jon may now be addicted! :)

After breakfast, we headed home for a few hours before heading to my cousin's house in Beacon. We must have eaten too much at breakfast because within a couple of hours of arriving at home we were all asleep! I was the first to wake up around 1:00. The kids and Jon were still sleeping so I layed down again for another hour. What a nice relaxing time! I don't know if we've ever done that before. The kids woke up next. I mentioned the party we were going to and the kids got very excited. Their excitement woke Jon and before I knew it we were packing up our stuff and we were out the door.

Beacon, NY, I still call it my hometown although I haven't lived there since I was a teenager. It is where many family members still call home. My cousin Mary lives across the street from her parents. Her brother, Michael and his family live a few houses down the street. My dad lives next door to Michael. The list can go on and does go on. To put it as easy as possible, I have a huge family and they all live very close. We arrived at Mary's house for the bbq. Most of the family was already there. We were greeted at the back gate by a warm rush of happy partygoers. The grill was heating up. The pool was full of kids. There were conversations in clusters around the yard. Many conversations stopped to greet us. Aidan and Amanda were immediately overwhelmed by all of the people that introduced themselves. "Hi guys, I'm __. I'm your cousin" Yes, they have all met before but when you are 2, it is hard to remember 6 months ago when they saw them last. There are many generations. This is my dad's family. He has 2 brothers. One brother has five children. The other brother has three children. There are lots of kids and they have lots of kids. Ahh, the Irish Catholics.

The kids run off to play with their cousin Liam. Liam is turning two in a few weeks. He is Michael's son and lives next to my dad. Aidan, Amanda and Liam have become very good friends. They will actually be celebrating their birthdays together since they are so close. We'll have one big family birthday celebration. Anyway, the kids were entertained. Jon and I went to visit with the family. Jon was given a nice cigar by my uncle. Many of the guys went over to the side yard and smoked their cigars while the rest of the folks hung around and chatted, had a few drinks, played darts and swam in the pool.

It was a wonderful day. Jon took the kids swimming in the pool. Amanda did not want to get out. Unfortunately I did not bring my swimsuit so Jon had to take turns with the kids. They swam with their older cousins a bit but eventually Amanda's lips were purple and I had to pull her out. She screamed! She has not been able to stop talking about the pool since that day.

After a nice long afternoon of visiting, it was time to head home. It was Sunday night and we had to get ready for another long week ahead of us. My mom is heading on vacation on Thursday and there is a lot to do to prepare for their trip.

ETA: I forgot that I never posted this... Ooops...

Finally! A wonderful weekend...

This weekend was wonderful. Despite weather in the 90's with high humidity (which Jon isn't used to and I almost forgot), we had a great time. Before I get in to the details of the weekend, I must add that Amanda is doing great and is almost back to normal. No more fevers, no more ear goo, just a little bit of maintenance ear cleaning to make sure she doesn't get another infection. Aidan has been running a bit of a fever this week but no other symptoms. We're keeping an eye on him to make sure nothing gets out of control. I'm happy to say that things are slowly getting back to normal.

Anyway, on to the weekend!! We found out late on Thursday that my step-sister, Diana, was visiting from L.A. for the weekend. She works for DIC entertainment who produces shows/products like Strawberry Shortcake and Inspector Gadget. Anyway, she had to work in their NY office for a couple of days so she was able to stay with us for the weekend before heading back to Cali for work on Monday. Friday night after she arrived, we took the whole clan to Casa Mia, a wonderful Italian resturant that we all love. Aidan and Amanda ate almost an entire kids pizza while the rest of us pigged out on a ton of wonderful food. We were so stuffed at the end of the meal that we could barely move! There was a lot of fun conversation and laughter. It was the first time in many, many years that my mom, Oscar (step-father), Taryn (sister), Diana, and I were together. Add Jon, Aidan and Amanda and we had a great crew. We were only missing our other sister, Jen, who lives in Australia with her husband, Andy, and their son, Rory. There will be another nephew arriving soon as Jen is expecting baby #2 in a few weeks. Just a little history, Jen, Diana, Taryn and I have been together since we were barely teens. We're all very close in age. Jen is the oldest and a year older than I am. Diana is a year younger than me and Taryn is a year younger than Diana. We are now 33, 32, 31 and 30. It was definitely interesting when we were 18, 17, 16 and 15 in high school. I wasn't sure if Oscar would survive 4 teenage girls.

After dinner, Jon and I put Aidan and Amanda to bed (they were absolutely exhausted) and we went to visit a friend of ours, Kelly, who was celebrating her birthday on Friday. Kelly is absolutely hilarious. She was born 6/6/66 and she has flaming red hair (yes, it is entirely natural although starting to get a bit of gray, hehehehe). She always loves to say that she has "one better than the devil." We always have a good time with her and the rest of the clan from Beacon. Most of the people involved are related to me in some way. My cousin Mary and her husband were there as well as my dad and step-mother, Linda. We had a huge group of people and we had a few drinks and some great conversation. We didn't call it a night until almost 2 and we knew we'd pay for it on Saturday.

Saturday morning wasn't as difficult as I had anticipated. One of my best friends, Jen, from high school lives a few miles away and when I told her that Diana was in town, we decided that we'd have to do coffee in the morning. Since I have been away from New York and away from Dunkin Donuts for so many years, that was the plan! I ran up the street and picked up coffee and donuts for everyone. Jen brought her 6 month old son, Michael (or "Small" as we like to call him) over and we got to visit and take a time machine back to the early 90's. After a few hours and a lot of coffee and laughter, it was time for Aidan and Amanda to take a nap and for Jen to get Small in his carseat and go grocery shopping. We put the twins down for an early nap because Oscar wanted to take the family out for a cruise on his boat!

After a nap for the kids and a bit of planning, we were off to the marina! We fed the kids, Diana went to the deli and got sandwiches, snacks and drinks and we were off. We didn't get the boat ready to head out until almost 4 but we were ready! The temperature on Saturday was around 90 and the humidity was a bit high. We got to the boat at about 2:30 but we needed to get it ready. It has been in the water for almost a month but Oscar has been so busy with work and everything that it hasn't had a maiden voyage yet this year. We had to put up all of the canopies and sweep up the decks from the winter. Oscar has a pretty good sized cabin cruiser with a nice living area below deck and a bathroom and small kitchen area. After a bunch of sweat and hard work, we popped a few beers and hit the river. We headed north toward Kingston and we had a great ride. The breeze off of the water was wonderful and we had lots of fun. I'll try to post pictures later if I can figure out how that works. After getting to Kingston we headed down the Rondout Creek to refuel and get some dinner. It was about 8:00 at this point and we docked up and walked around the area. We stopped at a great little Mexican restaurant and had a wonderful meal complete with Margaritas! After dinner and a nice walk to enjoy the evening, we got back on the boat to take the 3 hour cruise back to Newburgh. The kids were able to fall right asleep in the cabin. It was great. We settled them down there and they had fun poking their heads out the front hatch. It was a perfect size for them. The hatch opened at about shoulder level so we didn't have to worry about them climbing out, they could just do a fun game of "peak-a-boo" until they passed out. Boy did they every pass out. They had so much fun and excitement that they were out cold after about 15 minutes. We went up to the top deck and had a great ride home. At about midnight I was exhausted and went and joined the kids in the cabin for the rest of the ride. I slept soundly until we docked at about 1. It is a good thing that my step-father loves boating in the dark because we had a wonderful, long trip!

We all slept in on Sunday morning and Diana arrived at around 9. She stayed at her grandmother's house a few miles away since we literally have "no room at the inn" since Jon, Aidan and Amanda and I are staying there. She came up to say goodbye to us. Mom and Oscar were going to take her to the airport for her flight. I made bacon and pancakes for everyone and we had another great morning and breakfast. After they left for the airport, Jon and I took Aidan and Amanda to Walmart and Sam's Club for a bit of shopping. The rest of the day was nice and relaxing. I got the rest of the laundry and cleaning done and we just had a good time!

This was a good weekend! Now it is Monday and we're all back to work. We're supposed to reach 100 degrees today and all I can say is "thank god for air conditioning!"

I am really going to try and post some pictures this evening! I know that I'm not supposed to finish a post without pictures so I'm going to try to get better :)

Touch a Truck

First of all, Amanda is doing much better. She has this yucky ear goo but I understand that it is normal (as normal as you can get) for ear infections. She has had a good few days and although we have to clean her ear on a regular basis (which she does not like), she has been in a very good mood. Lets hope that this can finally be done!

On Sunday we took the kids to an event called "touch a truck." The local United Way had brought about 50 different types of trucks to a big parking lot at the Orange County Government Center. My cousin Erin was visiting from Georgia and she and her boys, Patrick (4) and Kamu (18 months), joined us. The weather was nice and in the upper 70's. The kids got to climb on a ton of different vehicles. They went on an 18-wheeler from toys r us and got to pretend to drive. They did get to pull the air horn which was not fun for all of the parents standing around. Imagine hundreds of kids all wanting to pull the cord! After the truck, they climbed around an ambulance. Amanda loved it so much that she cried when we told her that we needed to leave the ambulance for the next vehicle. The favorite of the day had to be the school bus. They were so excited! Amanda buckled herself in to the seat while Aidan jumped in to a seat with Patrick. They were so cute and they all kept rambling about how they couldn't wait until they could go to school!

There were so many vehicles to see and "touch." The Orange County Choppers had a bike there and there were military vehicles as well as large construction items. We spent a few hours until it was getting hot and very crowded. The kids were all starting to melt down so we felt that it was a wonderful time to call it quits and head home. I think they all had fun and we may very well do this again the next time around. This was the first annual so hopefully it was successful enough to bring back next year. I'm sure the kids will like it even more in a year from now!

I took a few pictures. I'll see if I can find time to get them off of the camera and on to the computer!

Edited to add: here are a few pictures that Taryn took on her cell phone. I haven't figured out the placement and editing so I hope they're OK.



Aidan in the Toys R Us truck



Aidan, Amanda and Patrick


Amanda in her favorite vehicle, the ambulance!


Amanda's 2nd favorite, the school bus. She actually buckled herself in the seat and then couldn't get out. Aunt Taryn had to help her out here!


Ah, cousins :) Aidan and Patrick in the school bus.

The weekend from hell

As you can see by the fact that it is Thursday, the weekend from hell has lasted into the week from hell. I warn you now, this is going to be a really long story since it lasts from Friday evening until right now!

I mentioned earlier that Aidan and Amanda were staying with my dad and Linda on Friday while we were at work. When I went to pick the kids up they were both doing fine. About an hour after I arrived Amanda started getting whiney. It was quite sudden but not unusual. Amanda likes to be at home reading or doing puzzles and when she gets tired she whines that she wants to go home. I put her off for a while and we played and hung out with my dad, Linda and Taryn. After a while the whining intensified and I decided it was time to leave. I had parked my car down the street at Meeker's house since there is limited parking at dad's so I had to pack up and walk down the street. This is not usually a big deal but Amanda's whining turned into tears and I wasn't sure what was going on. We headed down the street with all of our stuff. I carried Amanda who was not willing to walk and dad and Taryn carried everything else. When we got to Meeker's house, Amanda perked up a bit and asked to see Sean and Kevin (Bob and Kelly Meeker's sons). I decided that we could visit for a while and see how Manda does. The meltdown was quick. She went from wanting to be there to sobbing within 15 minutes. I tried to comfort her and when that didn't work, we left.

We got home and it was about 7:30 at this point. Amanda seemed to be a bit warm and asked to take a bath. After a while in the tub Amanda started to shiver pretty fiercely which was strange. The water was warm and it was then I realized that something was definitely wrong. She started complaining about her stomach hurting. She had been coughing and had a runny nose so I told her to relax and that it was just a "yucky cold." I gave her Motrin and got her ready for bed. I took her temperature, I can't remember the exact number, but it was around 102. That was just the beginning.

She slept pretty well Friday night. I think she may have woken once or twice. Saturday morning the fever was still there and we gave her more motrin. Through the day on Saturday she ran a fever that topped around 104. I'll skip the details but Saturday was not a fun day. Her nose kept running and the cough wasn't any better. She still complained of her stomach hurting (anyone who has ever dealt with toddlers and preschoolers knows how difficult it is to find out "what hurts" on a small child). Saturday night we put her to bed, still running a pretty high temp. Since we don't have insurance, I decided to try to kill the fever on my own. During the night, the fever finally broke. Unfortunately it did not last long and by Sunday mid-morning, she was back up to 103. By noon she was up to 104 and we decided to take her to the doctor.

I stayed home with Aidan and Jon took Amanda to the doctor. Jon called me from the office and told me that there was only one doctor on-call at Medicus and that the wait would be 2.5 hours. Without much of an option, he ran some errands with Amanda and returned for the "appointment." The doctor diagnosed an ear infection and said that the fever was related. He prescribed antibiotics, told us to keep giving her Motrin and sent Jon on his way. I had guessed it was an ear infection earlier in the day when I noticed the glassy appearance of her eyes. She looked exactly the same when she was sick on her first birthday.

By Sunday evening she seemed a bit better. The fever was lower. I found it funny to be excited about a 100 degree fever but when it had been 104 previously, that was good! Sunday night the fever was back and stayed at about 103/104 all night. Needless to say, she did not sleep very well (neither did we!) We brought her into bed with us to keep an eye on her. I was very nervous about the high fever and wasn't sure what could happen.

Monday was much of the same. We had plans all weekend that we cancelled since Amanda wasn't feeling well. We were hoping that by Monday afternoon she would be well enough to go out to a bbq that we wanted to attend. I put the kids down for a nap and headed to the grocery store so that I could get that done before heading back to work on Monday. When I returned from a horrible visit to the grocery store (it was an absolute mob scene), Mom and Oscar were back home from Oklahoma. Amanda's fever was 104 and we weren't going anywhere! Later in the afternoon Mom and Oscar offered to watch the kids so we could go to the bbq for a while. Amanda seemed content to lay in the chair and watch TV. Mom was there so we weren't too concerned until..... her temperature hit 105.4. At this point I had no clue what to do. I gave her more Motrin since it had finally been over 6 hours since the last dose. I sat with her for a while and the fever started to subside. It dropped down to 103.7 and Jon and I decided to get out of the house for a while. The stress and lack of sleep were wearing us down. We went to Meeker's for the bbq for about 2 hours when mom called and asked us to come home. Amanda was being cranky and wanted mommy.

The next 12 hours were kind of a blur. To make a really long story a bit shorter, no matter what we did the fever wouldn't come down. She had been on antibiotics for over 24 hours and she had been running a fever over 72 hours. We were up all night (almost) and Jon and I had to work in the morning (Tuesday, if you were able to keep track). I gave her Motrin at about 3 a.m. and when it didn't drop the temperature after an hour I decided that it was time to head to the emergency room.

I took her to Vassar hospital and the people were really great. They were nice to us and got us through all the different stages very quickly. Before I knew it, the doctor was greeting us. After a pretty thorough exam he concluded that yes, it is an ear infection and by the looks of it, they are both infected. There was no stomach emergency and everything seemed fine (I mentioned it since that was Amanda's only complaint other than "I sick"). The doctor explained that although a very high temperature is worrysome that some children tend to run very high fevers. Since Amanda was a preemie and she had a very hard time maintaining her body temperature after birth, the doctor commented that her prematurity could be a cause for her to run higher fevers. This is not the first time she has had a high temperature. He also suggested that she could possibly have a UTI and we had to get a "sample" for testing so that we'd know if the antibiotics that she is on will work. I'll try not to be too disgusting but getting a "sample" from a 2 year old who is potty training isn't very easy. She is not used to using a potty that doesn't have a tiny seat with pictures on it. Fortunately after a few different tries and a lot of begging and bribing, she had success! By this point it was 6:00 and I was nearing the point of being late for work. I asked the nurse about a turnaround time on the test and explained that I was going to be late for work. I understood that this was a risk that I took going to the hospital and I have no problem with that but I thought it couldn't hurt to ask. The nurse said that she would have Amanda released and they would call us with the results if they were positive. The doctor also told us that I could give Amanda both Motrin and Tylenol at the same time which I was not aware of so they gave her a dose of Tylenol and sent us on our way.

I got home and got Amanda settled with mom. Jon was exhausted too since Aidan was woken up by Amanda at around 4 and he did not go back to sleep. Jon and I were able to get ready for work and both out the door only a few minutes later than usual.

Roll up to the present. Since Tuesday morning we've been going through all the normal motions. The fever is not entirely gone but she has not come close to 104 since Monday. She is sleeping like crap! She wakes up (if she was even asleep) multiple times every night whining for me. She tells me she can't sleep and just cries and cries. At this point I don't know what to do for her. I'm exhausted and am lacking any patience for anything. My mom thinks that her ears could be hurting still and that is why she won't sleep. She has never once complained about her ears but that was the official diagnosis. I don't know what the problem is. We have one more dose of antibiotic to give today and I guess we'll just see from there.

Oh well, back to work. I just needed to get that out! Phew!

Feeling much better!

After a huge meltdown that controlled most of me and blurred my perspective, I'm back to normal and feeling positive. Yeah, there are still things that are worrying me but that is normal. I'm going to continue to be nervous about selling the house. I still have butterflies about my new job (which is going great so far) but I'm not going to second-guess any of the decisions that we've made. The future is going to be what it will be and that is fine by me! We have a ton of options at this point and I'm not going to rule anything out.

I started my new job on Wednesday and I really like it so far. I had a rough couple of days but I think it was just nervousness mixed with some inexperience working with Microsoft Access. It is now Friday and I have a long weekend to look forward to. The new job is going to be very demanding but that is what I was looking for. I wanted to put my education and experience to good use and try to make some money at the same time. My boss, JR, is a really nice guy and he has a pretty good sense of humor which makes it a bit easier. Yes, he is demanding but that is his job. He is a Sr. Vice President after all. I've met many of the people that work for him and they all seem pretty friendly. I'll be working with them on a regular basis with all of the different projects that JR has for me. I have a nice new Dell laptop that they've given me to use and once I get in the swing of things I'm sure I'll be very busy. I'm actually bored right now so I figured I would write a blog. I have two projects that JR has asked me to work on but both of them are in other people's hands right now and I don't seem to have anything that I can do now.

Aidan and Amanda are down at "grumpa's house." My dad thought that grumpa was more appropriate so we went with it. My mom normally watches the kids but she and Oscar went to Oklahoma for a family reunion this weekend. They left very early this morning so Jon and I got the kids out of the house at 6:30 so that we could make it to work. Now I see what it will be like having to get them ready for daycare in the future. It all seemed a bit hectic but it really wasn't too bad. I got most of their stuff pulled together last night and we just had to potty, dress and leave this morning. The hardest part was getting myself ready for work which coordinating all of the activities going on this morning. Aidan was a bit cranky when he woke up since he is not used to being woken in the morning. He stayed cranky until we were almost at my dad's. That was when they traded places and Aidan was happy and Amanda got a bit cranky. She didn't want to go inside and she stood on the sidewalk crying.

After avoiding a near meltdown we were able to get them situated so I could get to work. I hope that the day is good for all of them. It has been a rough couple of days for Dad and Linda. My father had a cardiac procedure done on Wednesday and the doctors determined that not only had he recently had a heart attack (which he had no knowledge of) he needs to have triple bypass surgery. Dad is his normal positive self and treating the whole thing like a bad hangnail. Linda seems to be pretty upset about the whole thing. I told Linda that my dad is tough and he'll get through this just to be able to torment her for as long as she lets him! I know my dad. I'm nervous but optimistic. Bypass surgery is quite common these days.

Other than that, Jon has been working a ton these past few weeks. He had 16.5 hours of overtime just last week. Yesterday he didn't get home until after 9 and he was incredibly exhausted. I can only imagine what he is going through. He really seems to enjoy the job.

We're looking forward to a nice relaxing long weekend where we can just hangout and do whatever we'd like. We don't have any official plans and there are a lot of different things we can do if we want. It is really nice to have options but no commitments. Since mom and Oscar are away, we have the entire house to ourselves. Yippee!!

Where do I begin?

Really, that isn't just the title. Where could I possibly begin?? This has been the week from hell. When I think that things are looking up, I overanalyze and turn myself into a wreck. Let's start with the house since that is the most depressing and I want to get it out of the way. Aside from a bazillion showings, no one wants our house. I keep hearing the same thing. It's beautiful, but... the kitchen is too small, ect, ect. Nothing big, nothing we can control. The realtor just emailed me with the feedback. Everyone loves it but there is always something. Now, the lawn is starting to look yucky. Spring has sprung and there isn't anyone to take care of the lawn. The sprinkler system can be turned on but we don't have anyone to do it. The realtor offered and I accepted but it can be tricky. If only I could be there for an hour and do all of the little things that need to be done. I am willing to wait for the offer but there are going to be things that come up like this. Once the sprinkler is on, the lawn will need to be mowed. The place probably needs some fresh air. I don't need the added stress. I don't want to drop the price any more. I think it is worth the price but the economy sucks. I'm not going to argue politics but if anyone is trying to find a job, sell a home, drive a vehicle or feed their families, it is pretty obvious. Unfortunately for us, we're trying to do all of the above! I just want to cry. OK, enough of the house blues. I just makes me wonder if I did the right thing...

Yes, I said "if I did the right thing" not "if we did the right thing." I take full credit for the sad state of affairs. Yes, Jon and I agreed to move but it was with my persistence. I swore up and down that it would be great for us. "We should be close to family", "We can get great, high paying jobs", "We can buy a wonderful house for our family and our future." Who was I kidding? I have been trying so hard to keep a positive attitude but I'm losing my strength. Jon has a great job that has potential for big things. He could have done the same in Denver. Should we have left? I got a job today (more about that later) but could I have done the same in Denver? Probably. Family means so much to me but is it worth the risk? The risk that seems more and more like a failure. Don't get me wrong. I love seeing everyone and that is the least of my sadness. Gambling is so unlike me. I like to have everything completely mapped out. This gameplan seems to have had too much emotion and not enough common sense. The market is bad, we can't sell our house. The market is bad, no one is hiring for anything really worth much. The cost of living in NY is high and seems to be getting higher with all the problems.

I need to pause and mention that this is a vent and is sounding more and more pathetic as I continue but I need to get it out.

OK, on to the job situation. I have been looking for a job with little success for about 6 weeks now. The recruiters are stacking their lists of candidates for the market turn their hoping for. This doesn't help anyone who is looking for a job. I mentioned in a previous post (I think) about a job as an auditor which had a lot of travel. I didn't get the job as the auditor but they thought enough of me to recommend me for another job in the company. The position is as the business manager of the technology division. The interview was scheduled for yesterday. I should mention that I was feeling horrible on Monday and I wasn't much better yesterday. My ears were bothering me, I was running a fever and my head was horribly congested. Right before I started getting ready for the interview, I received a call from Pepsi. I had applied for a position as a finanical analyst and they wanted to a quick phone interview. Despite feeling like crap, I must have done well enough that they wanted to meet me next Friday. I accepted. I got off the phone and went to my interview at Mediacom (the business manager). I was definitely not myself but I met with a couple of the big wigs at the company and I couldn't find my brain. I must have done OK because they called and made an offer this morning. I would be working for the Senior Vice President of Technology as his business manager doing all of the budgeting, forecasting, and financial analysis for the division. It really does sound like a great job but... the offer is less than I was hoping for. What do I do now? I told them I wanted to talk it over with my husband and get back to them. So I weigh my options. Do I wait to meet with Pepsi next week? Do I accept and turn down Pepsi? What to do, what to do? After a lot of soul searching and stuff I won't bore you with, I decided to accept the job. The job at Pepsi wasn't the position I was hoping it would be. I reviewed the job posting again and it seemed quite monotonous and boring. Yeah, great potential in the future but it is a bit of a commute and the salary they were discussing would be put directly into the commute. Mediacom is close and can give me great experience. Now I'm second guessing myself. Should I wait? The market is tough and I don't know when the next opportunity will present itself. We could really use the money and the salary is decent. They offer great benefits. I was hoping for more and came to NY with $$ in my eyes. After lots of conversation with Jon we came to the conclusion that this is a great opportunity for me. If this is a great opportunity why am I so conflicted? I'm getting such a "woe is me" attitude. Between the both of us we can make a good living and once we sell our house we'll be fine. We can afford to support ourselves and this could be the best scenario. I am having doubts. I haven't officially accepted yet but I have decided to accept the offer. I did make a counteroffer but they said that they couldn't change the offer.

OK, I'm done. I need to think happy thoughts and not worry about everything. It will all work out. It has to. At least I have a great support network of family and friends who seem to think that I'm capable of anything. Up until this point I have succeeded and pulled it off. Can my streak continue?