Friday, April 10, 2009

I know, I know...

Yup, been a long time... Life with twins is never easy. It can be fun, it can be stressful, it can be incredibly entertaining but it is never easy. Aidan and Amanda are wonderful. I haven't written in a while because life chugs along and there is always something that feels more important than relaxing with my thoughts. I'm sure there is something more important that I should be doing right now (like working) but I decided to take a break anyway.

This has been a hectic week. I had a few important deadlines at work. Jon has been putting in some extra hours. The kids are oblivious to our stress which is an absolute blessing. The most unusual event for them this week was Jon picking them up from school on Tuesday instead of me. I had a 5:00 meeting which didn't end until 6:30 so Jon picked them up. Aidan was upset but he got over it quickly. Aidan is going through a weird clingy phase but more about that later. Wednesday was the Passover Sedar at my Aunt Donna's house. We had a nice time visiting but it made for a late night. We didn't get the kids in bed until 10:30!!! It wouldn't have been a big deal if I didn't have to wake them up at 6:00 for school on Thursday morning. Today, they are with Grandma since their preschool is closed for Good Friday. I understand the religious significance of Good Friday but do they really need to close the preschool for the occasion? I'm incredibly fortunate that my mom and my sister can help me out but it doesn't seem fair that they close the entire school today. Ugh...

We're about to begin a whirlwind weekend. We decided a few months ago it would be wonderful to go visit my cousin Annie in Virginia for Easter. Now, Easter is upon us and it seems like it came up too quickly. I had such wonderful plans leading up to this weekend. First, we were going to color eggs. Did that happen? Nope... I even bought the color kit a few weeks ago. Then the days turned in to weeks and the next thing I realized, we didn't have time to fit it in. Oh well, I did have the best of intentions. We can always use the kit next year, if I can store it and not forget it. Even this week is getting away from me. Every minute is completely booked. Last Friday I made a list of things that had to occur before our trip. Jon needs a haircut. Our car needs to get registered in NY. Kids need something nice to wear for Easter. I want a pedicure. Bills need to be paid. House needs cleaning. Laundry is piling up. We need to pack. Ugh. I guess I like ending frustrating rants with "ugh"

Back to Aidan's clingy-ness. He has been experiencing a recurrence of separation anxiety lately. Most goodbyes end in tears. He sobs "I'm going to miss you Mommy" every single time. It is getting better but there have been a few complete meltdowns. It doesn't matter who he is staying with, if I'm leaving, he'll meltdown. The first time was at Aunt Taryn's house on a bowling night. Jon and I were leaving to go bowling and Aidan started crying. I gave him a big hug and kiss and I thought he would calm down after a few minutes. Nope, Taryn called me about 30 minutes later and he was still inconsolable. He did finally calm down but not before he wet his pants while screaming so much. He has done this at Grandma's house, school, Aunt Taryn's house and in the car. Occasionally he'll miss Daddy or Grandma and cry for them too but most of the time it is for me. He is a great little boy but geesh, he can be very emotional. Amanda on the other hand is so laid back that she doesn't care what is going on around her. Their personalities are so different!

Oh well, I'm going to get back to work. I wanted to write a quick update since I haven't had a chance. I hope things calm down soon. I'm not going to hold my breath since I do have 3-year-old twins!

Friday, January 16, 2009

My kids are AWESOME!

OK, I just had to share that. I am so proud of my children it just makes me look silly. I have this stupid grin on my face and every time someone tells me how great they are, I am just doofy! They are doing so well! They are now officially 3 1/2 years old (as of 1/7) and they are just the greatest. My big guy is now completely potty trained. He told me this morning (after two consecutive nights of wearing underpants to bed without an accident) that he is a big boy and he doesn't need silly baby diapers anymore. The first night without a diaper was a complete accident. I forgot to change him before bed. I'm glad that he was dry! Last night, as a result of the previous night, he insisted that he didn't need a diaper and he would get up. The resulting conversation:

Me: Aidan, let's put a diaper on just in case.
Aidan: No mom, really, I don't need one.
Me: but what if you're asleep when you have to go potty.
Aidan: I'll just get up and go, even if it is the middle of the night, OK? You said that we can just go, we don't have to ask. Isn't that why you put the little light in the bathroom?
Me: Good point, I can't argue.
Aidan: See, I told you!

Such a smart little boy. It may have taken a while, but he decided that he likes going on the potty. He insists that he never needs any help. He likes to tell us that he wants his privacy. Occasionally if he thinks he'll be in for a while, he requests a book for entertainment :)

My little Miss Amanda (as I like to call her) is in a very snugglie mood lately. She always wants to be held or cuddled. She did have a nasty cough for which she blames Aidan. To be fair, Aidan did have the cold first. The cough is getting better. Sometimes she tends to "play it up" but that is just Amanda. She loves to be loved. She is obsessed with princesses and as much as I thought I might avoid having a girly girl, she decided otherwise! She insists on putting on her dress up gowns every day and most days when I pick them up from school, she is dressed up. She loves wearing her "dancing shoes" which are the plastic princess shoes that she has. After she has put on all of her dress up clothes and shoes, she announces that she is going to her dance party. I have never bought her dresses because I always thought that she would be uncomforable playing in dresses. She received a bunch of clothes from her teacher at school which included a few skirts and 3 nightgowns. She insists on wearing the nightgowns every night. I can't argue with her regardless of how cold it is. I guess I'm just going to have to go with the flow. How am I going to deal with having a girl? I guess I've been in denial since she was born that she would actually want to dress like a girl :) I'm going to have to do some reading and take a few lessons.

So, a brief school update. They still love school! Their teachers have noticed a huge increase in Aidan's confidence since he started using the potty. They are both doing very well with their lessons. They worked on learning the senses this week and they are getting really familiar with the alphabet. They can both count to twenty and sometimes higher with a few mistakes here and there. They are both very friendly and love to be leaders. When I pick them up from school, it takes a long time for them to say their goodbyes. They insist on saying goodbye to each of their classmates and give each one a big hug and occasionally a kiss.

Hugging and kissing, that leads me to the next point. They are both incredibly affectionate. So much that it can be a bit too much at times. I took them grocery shopping last week and they both waved and said hello to every single person we passed. That was cute. It morphed in to them giving each other hugs. The hugs led to kisses. The kisses became a bit too much. I had to ask them to stop kissing each other so much. I love the fact that my twins are close and they love each other but we're lacking personal space. Perhaps we're too affectionate with them? I never saw it as a bad thing. Now they won't go to school unless they get hugs and kisses from both mommy and daddy. They want to hug and kiss everyone. Cute, but a little creepy...

Boy, am I glad it's Friday. Tonight is our bowling league. Yup, we're super bowling geeks. At least we have fun and we're pretty good! Last week I bowled really well for me (512 series with a high 180 game) so I'm hoping to continue the trend this week. Jon and I are planning to go see an Irish band along with a bagpipe group tomorrow afternoon at a local Irish Pub. I'm super excited. Aidan and Amanda will be spending the afternoon with the Meeker's sons Sean and Kevin. All four are so excited. They'll be having pizza for dinner and hanging out playing games and watching movies. Too bad the high temperature for tomorrow is predicted to be in the teens. The kids have wanted to play in the snow with Sean and Kevin but I think tomorrow might be a bit too cold to go outside. We'll have to see. There are currently no plans for Sunday but I'm sure that will fill up fast with cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping and normal weekend catch-up. Oh well, that's all I got!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Dashing through the snow!

Spending a few years in Colorado will do strange things to my memory of winter in the northeast. Obviously I did block quite a bit out of my memory. It seems like there is forecasted rain or snow every couple of days. Sometimes is amounts to something and other times, not so much. Last Sunday it was close to 60 degrees. Then it snowed on New Years Eve. Since we both had no work on New Years, we decided to take the kids outside to play in the snow. They had their snow saucers from my dad and away they went! I finally have some pictures to share.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Welcome 2009!

It seems quite silly really. I am so happy that 2009 has begun. I am ready for a fresh year. 2008 was a very difficult year which was full of changes. 2008 was also a very good year in that we watched our children learn and grow by leaps and bounds! We started the year with a definite plan in mind and we finished the year accomplishing our goals. I had hoped that the details would have gone more smoothly. At the end, we are where we wanted to be.

We wanted to start a new life in New York. We wanted to be closer to family. We wanted to give the kids the life that we thought would bring them happiness. Colorado was wonderful but it wasn't home for me.

Boy, did it start off rough. There was a lot more work that needed to be done to the house in Colorado. We could get it done. It would bring us more money in the long run, right? Right? OK, we were a bit optimistic on that one. Who would have known that the market would tank in the most horrific manner since the great depression? We did come to realize after everything was said and done that we would have been in much worse shape if we hadn't done the upgrades. We had hoped to sell by summer. By October we were lucky to give the house away without having to give the shirt off my back.

There was a lot of stress and anxiety through those months. I look back now and I'm amazed that we were able to keep pushing through the entire time. The kids started school in September. We rented an apartment in October. By November we had really set in to a routine. December rolled in and threw a wrench in the mix. I had hoped that the holidays would give us a little bit of joy in a overwhelming world. Unfortunately it just made things a whole lot more difficult.

Thankgiving is always a wonderful holiday. Lots of food and lots of family. This year was no exception. While living in Colorado, Jon and I spent Thanksgiving with a group of friends that were all away from their immediate families. It became tradition. This year we traveled to Albany to be with my mom's family. My grandmother flew in from Florida to spend a week with 4 generations of our family. We spent Thankgiving chatting and catching up. Aidan and Amanda love spending time with their cousin Emma (who turns 5 in March). They always have a good time playing with toys and having the most adorable "kid" conversations. We had such a nice time that we decided to come back on Saturday for more visiting.

Once Thanksgiving was over, the clock seemed to jump ahead so quickly. Days turned into weeks and it just went so quickly! There are so many details. I'll spare you :)

I had every intention of pulling out a miracle for Christmas and Chanukah. I wanted to make it a special memory. I went in with the best of intentions. There were sacrifices along the way. We started off strong. I took a day off in the middle of the week and went shopping with my friend Jen. We bought quite a few gifts. She was far more successful but I figured that I had plenty of time. That weekend we went to a Christmas Tree Farm in Pleasant Valley and cut down our own beautiful tree. We decorated it the next day. Throughout the day Amanda kept saying that this was the best Christmas ever.

That was when it started to get a bit hectic. My primary job responsibility is budget and forecasting capital spending. I am responsibile for telling the CEO how much money my department is going to spend. Since it was December, I was feeling a lot of pressure to get the 2009 budgets ready. I was constantly receiving phone calls and emails. There was a LOT of money involved. I worked a bunch of late nights and weekends. Fortunately I have the ability towork from home but it is very difficult to be productive when you have two 3-year-olds. Waiting until they go to sleep is the only option. As you could guess, this leds to a lot of things to do after bedtime. The stuff got stacked up and I started feeling overwhelmed.

That was when it hit me! I don't have to be superwoman! Will people be disappointed in me? Should I care? Well, it doesn't go away that easily but I was able to deal with the guilt. What am I talking about? Did you receive a holiday card from me this year? By the end of the second week of December I realized that there was no way I was going to be able to do everything on my list. There were a few things that were going to take priority. In the end it was worth it. I saved my sanity and a few things didn't get done. I decided to make cookies for the kids' teachers instead of buying gifts for each teacher. I didn't have the time and the budget was tight. We had fun making cookies. It did take a full weekend which is a huge commitment. I could have gone to the store and spent $10. Oh well. Those are good memories.

Friday, December 19th was the first big snowstorm of the season. It was also the busiest day scheduled by far. I had my company holiday party in the evening. We had Murphy family Christmas caroling which is one of my favorite all time activities. Jon and I also had bowling. It was position night which is very important and we couldn't miss. I was very disappointed that I was going to have to make such a difficult decision. The kids had school and I was going to skip the company party, pick the kids up, head to Beacon for caroling, leave the kids with Kelly for caroling, head to the bowling alley, bowl league and then head back to Uncle Dick's for the rest of caroling. On Thursday, the 19th, the forecast indicated that we might get a sizeable snowstorm. The radio stations were all saying we'd get a foot. The kids' daycare decided to close at noon and my company announced that the party would be moved up to 2pm due to the forecast. Jon decided to leave work early to pick the kids up. I had responded "no" regarding the work party. My co-workers impressed upon me the importance of making an appearance at the party. With the earlier start time and Jon picking up the twins, I had no excuse. I decided to go for a while.

The snow started later than expected. The storm blew in at around 11am. We were surprised at how quickly the conditions outside deteriorated. When we decided to head to the party, it was a blizzard outside. We made it to the party and I was suprised at the turnout. There were quite a few people in my office that weren't going due to the weather but the crowd was massive! The food was great and the drinks were free. I only had one since the weather was so bad but it was nice to have the free drink. They should have cancelled but I understand that it would have cost too much to do that. I was lucky to be there. I actually won a giveaway 19" HDTV. I tried to leave by 3 but the poor planning of the golf club caused a parking nightmare. I wasn't able to leave until one of the 8 cars blocking me in moved. I was able to get on the road by about 4:45. I got home at 6. The roads were miserable but fortunately our Super Trooper is amazing! I got home and we decided to head to Beacon. We assumed that bowling was cancelled and caught up with the caroling group. We had a wonderful time and by the time we were ready to leave, the snow had stopped and the roads were being cleared.

The rest of December is a blur. Chanukah started on a Sunday night. We went to my mom's house and lit the candles with her. She had both my grandmother and my sister on speakerphone. Aidan and Amanda received wooden pieces with laces weave through holes in the wood. It reminded me of the sewing cards that I had as a child. Amanda has been known to find a quiet corner with her blankie and her belt. She entertains herself by weaving the belt through the holes in her blanket. I tried to find those carboard pieces with a "connect the dots" type pattern that was "drawn" with the lace but I can't find them anywhere. This was a great alternative. The boards that Aidan received were street sign shapes with holes around the edges. Amanda's pieces were a bear and clothing to dress the bear by sewing them together. They both really liked them. I was unsure of how Aidan would react since he is less "artsy" than Amanda and tends to get distracted easily.

We enjoyed Christmas Eve with Taryn spending the night. We wrapped presents until 1am and we laughed. It was a special occasion. We watched Christmas specials and enjoyed the night. Christmas morning was amazing. The kids received so much stuff. I tried to have some restraint but at 3-years-old, they are so easy! This is the first year they have had any appreciation for the holidays. We spent the entire morning opening presents. I made pancakes first while the kids enjoyed a Black & Decker toolbench that Aunt Taryn gave Aidan. We slowly opened one present at a time so that the kids could pace themselves. I didn't want them to burnout quickly and get overstimulated. Aidan can be very difficult. We had so much fun trying out all of the gifts. There were playdoh accessories, a remote control bug and a remote control cat from Aunt Diana, a kiddie laptop computer from Aunt Taryn and the list goes on and on... So spoiled :)

After our celebration at home, we went to mom and Oscar's house for dinner with Grandma H. and Ellen. It was nice to see them and my mom made a delicious turkey. After dinner, desert and some visiting, we moved on to our next destination, my dad's house. Dad has been a bit down in the dumps for a few months now. He's having a hard time adjusting to life after a stroke. We haven't had many opportunities to visit with the schedule we've been living. We spent a couple of hours visiting. Grandma Linda went a bit nuts with the gift giving and the kids got even more! Amanda has a whole baby doll setup. She received a carriage, complete with blankets, cushion and a pillow, infant carrier, doll, and supply bag. Aidan recieved a few monster trucks and a remote control truck. They both received snow saucers which they can't wait to use. There was so many gifts given, I lost track of what they got!

The following Sunday was the Chanukah party that I'd offered to host at my house. I figured that it would be the perfect opportunity to show my family where we live. Was I crazy? Yup, this was the idea before December hit me like a freight train. I didn't want to back out but by the time the party started, Taryn was ready to kill me and Jon was muttering "never again" all around the house. Oh well, we survived. It wasn't the party that was going to be difficult. It was my insane preparations. I needed to get the entire house cleaned. I had a list far longer than I ever expected. There was cleaning and shopping and cooking that needed to be done. The Christmas decorations had to come down. Not because we were having a Chanukah gathering but because they were driving me absolutely nuts. I was done with the holidays and I needed January to start! The party went well. We had a very nice time. The kids received more wonderful gifts! They were obviously exhausted by the time everyone left. Their cousin Emma was here and as usual, they were bouncing off the walls!

After all that madness, we decided to quietly ring out 2008 by ourselves, at home. I barely made it through work. Jon and I both decided to work through the holidays. We each had Christmas and New Year's Day off. By Dec 31, I was so exhausted, I couldn't wait for a break.

I fell asleep on the couch at around 10pm on Dec 31. I gave up and went to bed at 11:15. Another year where I didn't care to ring in the new year. I was just ready to have the day end and start the new year on a positive note.

This year started difficult but there was a plan. We survived the plan. Now the future is whatever we want it to be. Will we buy a house this year? Will we stay in our current apartment? Can we pay down some debt? I've resolved to take it one day at a time. That's how it works and thats how I'll do it!

Happy New Year everyone!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


Wow! Is it Thanksgiving already? I can't believe that November is almost over. I don't have much time to catch up but things are going well. I'd love to sit here an do a nice long blog about everything that has been going on over the last month but it isn't going to happen yet.

We've moved in to our new apartment, finished the closing on the house and set in to "normal" routines. As with most people with families, we're constantly rushing. The kids are doing well, they have their expected ups and downs. Jon and I are both busy with work. It is budget season. There is a never-ending stream of meetings, deadlines and late nights.

I will stop promising to post pictures because all I seem to do is break promises. I will try to find some free time in this wonderful long weekend and sit on my butt doing stuff I enjoy!

Speaking of the long weekend, I have off the day after Thanksgiving. Yeah!!! Unfortunately Jon has to work... Booo... We're heading to Albany tomorrow to spend the day with my mom's side of my family. I'm looking forward to the day. Aidan and Amanda have been talking about their cousin Emma for weeks now and they'll finally get a chance to spend the day with her!

I'm going to keep this brief. Happy Thanksgiving!!!


Monday, October 20, 2008

Light at the end of the tunnel

I'm sorry to keep everyone in the dark for so long but there is finally light at the end of the tunnel. It's been a hectic couple of weeks but in the end, it all worked out.

The offer that we received on our house that was a complete joke was just a starting point. I should have known that in this market there would be a lowball offer but I was in a very negative state of mind. I assumed that we would be stuck with our house for the rest of our lives!! Well, we lowered our asking price by $1000 and they accepted our counteroffer. They wanted a quick closing and we were happy to oblige. The closing date was set for 10/20 (today) but was later changed to 10/17 so that they could close before the weekend. We were excited beyond belief but not yet ready to pop the champagne. Many things could go wrong in the interim.

While jumping through thousands of real estate hoops while getting ready for closing, Jon and I were trying to find a new home for the 4 of us and Smokey! It is important to mention Smokey in the equation because I had forgotten how difficult it was to find a rental where they allow cats. We also (as I mentioned previously) are not really excited to deal with the "shopping" process. We had an appointment to see an apartment shortly after my last posting. I wanted to avoid putting everything in one potential place that we hadn't seen yet but I was excited. The location was excellent and the listed amenities were right up our alley. The description is "Country setting. Large yard. 2 family home only five years old. Main floor has a kitchen, dining room, family rm. and a half bath,Washer/dryer hookups. Second floor has 2 large bedrooms a den and a full bath with double sinks." Sounds great, right? Yeah but we needed to wait a few more days before we could see it. I scheduled appointments to see two other places. The first place had more stairs than I ever could imagine. It was quite pricey for a 2nd floor and attic apartment. No thanks! The next place was $100 more than the one I was waiting to see but it was a full house and had a basement and garage. I was willing to see what they had to offer. We didn't even make it that far. We finally got to see the one I had been waiting for. It was pretty much love at first sight. Of course there are things that you'd wish it had but overall it was perfect. Jon and I talked it over for a while but we were sold. We agreed to sign a 1-year lease and the rest is history.

We agreed to take possession on 10/15 which unfortunately was a Wednesday. It isn't very easy to move in the middle of the week. The landlord agreed to let us move some things in before the 15th. I took off from work on Monday the 13th. My mom and Taryn wanted to get haircuts so I spent the day with the kids. Jon also took off from work and we decided to get a truck and load stuff in to the house. Thanks to Taryn helping with the truck and mom watching the kids (after the hair appointment), we were able to empty our storage unit! Unfortunately the apartment did not have electricity turned on so we finished unloading the truck in the dark. I don't recommend moving from a dark truck to a dark house after sunset in October! It got chilly and we had no clue where we were putting things. We literally dropped things everywhere just to get it inside. Tuesday, the 14th, came too quickly. I was exhausted from moving but at least we were making progress. The storage unit was empty! The electric company was turning on our lights and I had scheduled the gas service and the cable. We were getting there!

After a hectic week of trying to get things set for the move, we were also dealing with the closing on the house. The closing had been changed from Monday to Friday (the 17th) and there was a never ending chain of emails from the realtor with forms that needed signatures. Fortunately my step-father has a scanner at home so we were able to sign each form, scan it and email it back to the realtor pretty quickly. It is not easy to close on the sale of a property from 2000 miles away but we had to get it done. There was a lot of insanity that I will spare you. To put it mildly, I was very close to being committed to a mental hospital. Speed ahead to Friday (closing date), I was starting to think that we might make it through the process. Is it ever that easy? Nope, I needed some additional torture. I received a call from the closing agent an hour before closing to say "Hi Lisa, I received the FedEx package with all of the documents, thank you very much. So, did you confirm the wire?" I was dumbfounded for a few moments and managed to squeek out "what wire?" Oh, apparently there was a balance to close escrow. We needed to bring money to closing of which NO ONE had informed us!! After a pretty major meltdown on my part, I needed to scramble. I'll save the details but we were able to wait until today to close escrow and I was able to borrow the money we needed for little while. So.... it looks like we are free at last!! I kept saying that we had signed our life away and now we're signing it back.

This is the beginning! This is a new start for Jon, Lisa, Aidan, Amanda and, of course, Smokey. Jon and I finished moving most things out of my parents house yesterday(Thank you Mom and Oscar!!!) We were able to sleep at our new house last night. It has been an incredibly long path but now the future is starting to look bright again.

Aidan and Amanda love their new house. We all slept there on Saturday night to try to acclimate the kids to their new room. They transitioned well to my moms house so I was hoping it would be the same in our new house. Not very easy. They were super excited to sleep in the new house. They wanted to go to bed an hour early. I was happy to oblige since I was quite busy. We bought the kids mattresses and boxsprings (instead of toddler beds or something designed for kids). They've never slept in their own "real" beds. We didn't get frames to keep them relatively close to the floor in case they rolled. At mom's house, they have a trundle bed which means that they are next to each other. If Amanda rolls out of bed, she lands on Aidan (or his bed). If Aidan rolls, he has the trundle bed drawer front to keep him from dropping to the floor. They both roll around a bit but I haven't witnessed anything dangerous. Their new beds are on opposite walls. I bought all the linens they needed and new pillows. Pillows are a bit more difficult than I imagined. The kids didn't have pillows in Colorado. Babies in cribs usually don't use pillows. When we moved, my mom had pillows on the bed. There was no transition issue. Unfortunately, new pillows are more fluffy than the pillows that my mom had. I spent hours trying to comfort the kids in their new room. Since we had just moved in, there weren't any window coverings. I didn't make a big deal of it because I figured, hey, it's dark, they'll just wake up before the sun comes up (like usual). I didn't think about the headlights from the road which cast weird tree shadows on their wall. I got a nightlight and covered the window with a blanket. Then the pillows were too fluffy and too big for their heads. I rolled up towels to substitute. Then they were thirsty. It was one thing after another until they finally passed out at around 12:30. They did manage to sleep through the rest of the night and they were very happy when they woke up in the morning. It was hard to convince them that they slept in their new house one night and they were going to grandma's the next. It made the most sense. Jon and I were able to get some sleep and get up for work without extra hassel. Mom was watching the kids today anyway so it saved us a stop. Tonight will be interesting. They have school tomorrow so we have to be up and out very early. I'll try to update again soon with pictures...

Thank you for all of your good thoughts! It must have worked!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Damn this roller coaster, I want to get off!!!!

I hate roller coasters. I've never been fond of that nauseous feeling you get when you freefall from the top of a coaster. That is what my life was like yesterday and I'm not very happy about it.

I should have known that it was going to be a rough day when I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and refused to get up for about 20 minutes. Of course that caused me to be behind schedule which I hate. It was a school day for Aidan and Amanda so I woke them and started them on oatmeal while I got dressed. I was able to pick up some of my lost time until about 5 minutes before leaving. I was rushing to get a bag out of the pantry when Aidan decided to help me and accidentally slammed my ring finger in the door. It hurt so badly that I crumbled to my knees. I tried to keep it together but the tears started flowing. Aidan was devastated and was obviously scared by my reaction. He thought he was helping mommy only to have this reaction. Jon explained to him why I was crying and holding my poor finger. He came and gave me a huge hug and apologized. He did make me feel better and other than the warm throbbing in my hand, I would survive. Unfortunately this mishap caused a delay in our departure. I was able to get the kids to school without further incident and I made it to work right around 8. I hate being late but it was only a few minutes.

After arriving at work late, I took a quick break at about 9:00 to make a phone call. Jon and I have been looking for a house/apartment to rent so that we can finally get out of my parents' way. It has been overwhelming and stressful lately but Jon and I were optimistic that we'd be able to manage a rental plus our mortgage. It would be tight but we had finally made a decision. We visited a ranch home in Marlboro last weekend which has some pros and cons but overall it is a really nice place. It is currently empty. We don't know how long it has been vacant but that means we could move right in! The oil heat is a huge expense but we decided that we'd manage. We had been playing with the numbers for a few days and we spoke with the landlord on Tuesday to ask some questions and tell him that we were interested. We made our decision on Wednesday and I wanted to call as soon as I could. I was super excited. I was a bit disappointed when I got his voicemail but I left a message.

It was time to refocus on work. A few hours went by waiting for the phone to ring. Nope, all quiet. I was getting worried but I figured he was a busy man and he'd get back to me when he could.

At 11:00 I received an email from our realtor with the subject line "Offer coming in!!!" I was almost knocked over by emotion. I could barely breathe... This was my lucky day. The tides were turning. The message said that they definitely wanted to make an offer and we'd have it by the end of the day (which in Colorado is 2 hours later than NY). I had to have patience to make it through the rest of the day. I could not focus. Work was not making sense. I had my brain on the "blur" setting.

click, click, click, click, click.... We're approaching the top of the coaster... This is the scary part... The part I don't like...

The phone rang at about 3. The voice on the other end did not sound good. It was the landlord. We were too late. He received a deposit from someone who just beat us to it. Crap!! I was so bummed. I had gotten myself so excited for the house and I DID NOT want to start searching again. I am not a huge shopper and I really dislike calling a gazillion people to schedule appointments to shop for a place to live. It was back to the drawing board... Yuck!!! Oh well, what can you do? I guess we just have to move on. Maybe this was a sign. Maybe we needed to keep looking for a better opportunity. After all, we didn't search for very long. This was one of the only places we looked at. Did I mention before?? I really dislike shopping.

At least we still had the offer, right?? I was able to keep moving through the rest of my day. I was mostly going through the motions because I was completely bummed and still anxious about the house. Finally it was 5:00. I was able to head out to pick up the kids.

I got to the kids' school and I was so happy to see Aidan and Amanda. Their smiles always make me feel better. Unfortunately Aidan had a rough afternoon. Amanda wanted to play with another little girl and Aidan felt left out. He cried and didn't want to talk to anyone. He just pouted and whined. Typical Aidan but I was hoping for happy children.

We got home and fortunately my mom was out so we had some time to ourselves to deal with the events of the day. Jon and I were both bummed about losing the rental and we discussed our game plan. We did have an appointment to see another place tomorrow which I never cancelled. I'm trying to get excited about that. I started making dinner and got the kids some juice. Aidan was upset that I put the juice in a cup rather than a cup with a lid. I explained that he was good with his cup and that he should enjoy the juice. He went in the livingroom and a few moments later he told Jon he spilled. We went in to clean up the mess and noticed that there was no mess. I questioned Aidan and asked him to please be careful. Amanda came in to the kitchen a few minutes later and said "mommy, mommy, please come here." I tried to put her off thinking that she was just fighting with Aidan and I was trying to cook. She wouldn't let it go so I finally went in the room to see what was going on. Well, Aidan did spill his juice this time. It was covering the table and quite a few puzzle pieces and toys that were laying around. I ran to the kitchen to get paper towels. When I returned the juice was dripping off of the table and on to Amanda's plush princess chair. Ugg, I was pissed. I sent both of the kids to their room while I cleaned up the mess and I was starting to lose my mind. I was anxious, upset and downright edgy. I went back to making dinner and tried to relax.

While dinner was cooking I went in to our bedroom to check the email to see if there was an update from the realtor. Finally, there it was!!!! Unfortunately, I was instantly crushed!!! It was sooooo low. I probably shouldn't go into too many details but I really don't care right now. I need to get this off of my chest and I guess this is the reason I started writing this blog to begin with. We started by asking $228K in March. Since the market has been so difficult, we kept lowering our price. We currently sit at $203K. I hated lowering it so much but we are getting desperate. We owe $192K on it. We've done so much work to this beautiful house and we've worked so hard to pay our mortgage on time and improve our credit rating. The buyer offered $189,900!! I couldn't believe my eyes. I went into a spiraling rage and couldn't control myself. I had to get outside. Jon and I just held each other for a few minutes in disbelief. What was happening to us??!? We sent a message to our realtor explaining that the offer was unacceptable and that we were not going to pay someone to take our house. It was pretty obvious that these people wanted to buy a house they couldn't afford. We are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Of course, we gave a counteroffer but it sounds like they only got approved for $182K and they were coming with cash for the rest. They wanted a quick closing which all would have been great if they could afford our house! They loved it and they are trying to go back to get more money but with the way lending is right now, I'm not optimistic!!

How could one day be so emotionally draining? We were able to get through dinner without too much turmoil. We put the kids to bed as quickly as possible and I curled up under the covers with my comfy jammies to watch the debate. I fell asleep about an hour in and I'm sure I needed the rest.