Damn this roller coaster, I want to get off!!!!

I hate roller coasters. I've never been fond of that nauseous feeling you get when you freefall from the top of a coaster. That is what my life was like yesterday and I'm not very happy about it.

I should have known that it was going to be a rough day when I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and refused to get up for about 20 minutes. Of course that caused me to be behind schedule which I hate. It was a school day for Aidan and Amanda so I woke them and started them on oatmeal while I got dressed. I was able to pick up some of my lost time until about 5 minutes before leaving. I was rushing to get a bag out of the pantry when Aidan decided to help me and accidentally slammed my ring finger in the door. It hurt so badly that I crumbled to my knees. I tried to keep it together but the tears started flowing. Aidan was devastated and was obviously scared by my reaction. He thought he was helping mommy only to have this reaction. Jon explained to him why I was crying and holding my poor finger. He came and gave me a huge hug and apologized. He did make me feel better and other than the warm throbbing in my hand, I would survive. Unfortunately this mishap caused a delay in our departure. I was able to get the kids to school without further incident and I made it to work right around 8. I hate being late but it was only a few minutes.

After arriving at work late, I took a quick break at about 9:00 to make a phone call. Jon and I have been looking for a house/apartment to rent so that we can finally get out of my parents' way. It has been overwhelming and stressful lately but Jon and I were optimistic that we'd be able to manage a rental plus our mortgage. It would be tight but we had finally made a decision. We visited a ranch home in Marlboro last weekend which has some pros and cons but overall it is a really nice place. It is currently empty. We don't know how long it has been vacant but that means we could move right in! The oil heat is a huge expense but we decided that we'd manage. We had been playing with the numbers for a few days and we spoke with the landlord on Tuesday to ask some questions and tell him that we were interested. We made our decision on Wednesday and I wanted to call as soon as I could. I was super excited. I was a bit disappointed when I got his voicemail but I left a message.

It was time to refocus on work. A few hours went by waiting for the phone to ring. Nope, all quiet. I was getting worried but I figured he was a busy man and he'd get back to me when he could.

At 11:00 I received an email from our realtor with the subject line "Offer coming in!!!" I was almost knocked over by emotion. I could barely breathe... This was my lucky day. The tides were turning. The message said that they definitely wanted to make an offer and we'd have it by the end of the day (which in Colorado is 2 hours later than NY). I had to have patience to make it through the rest of the day. I could not focus. Work was not making sense. I had my brain on the "blur" setting.

click, click, click, click, click.... We're approaching the top of the coaster... This is the scary part... The part I don't like...

The phone rang at about 3. The voice on the other end did not sound good. It was the landlord. We were too late. He received a deposit from someone who just beat us to it. Crap!! I was so bummed. I had gotten myself so excited for the house and I DID NOT want to start searching again. I am not a huge shopper and I really dislike calling a gazillion people to schedule appointments to shop for a place to live. It was back to the drawing board... Yuck!!! Oh well, what can you do? I guess we just have to move on. Maybe this was a sign. Maybe we needed to keep looking for a better opportunity. After all, we didn't search for very long. This was one of the only places we looked at. Did I mention before?? I really dislike shopping.

At least we still had the offer, right?? I was able to keep moving through the rest of my day. I was mostly going through the motions because I was completely bummed and still anxious about the house. Finally it was 5:00. I was able to head out to pick up the kids.

I got to the kids' school and I was so happy to see Aidan and Amanda. Their smiles always make me feel better. Unfortunately Aidan had a rough afternoon. Amanda wanted to play with another little girl and Aidan felt left out. He cried and didn't want to talk to anyone. He just pouted and whined. Typical Aidan but I was hoping for happy children.

We got home and fortunately my mom was out so we had some time to ourselves to deal with the events of the day. Jon and I were both bummed about losing the rental and we discussed our game plan. We did have an appointment to see another place tomorrow which I never cancelled. I'm trying to get excited about that. I started making dinner and got the kids some juice. Aidan was upset that I put the juice in a cup rather than a cup with a lid. I explained that he was good with his cup and that he should enjoy the juice. He went in the livingroom and a few moments later he told Jon he spilled. We went in to clean up the mess and noticed that there was no mess. I questioned Aidan and asked him to please be careful. Amanda came in to the kitchen a few minutes later and said "mommy, mommy, please come here." I tried to put her off thinking that she was just fighting with Aidan and I was trying to cook. She wouldn't let it go so I finally went in the room to see what was going on. Well, Aidan did spill his juice this time. It was covering the table and quite a few puzzle pieces and toys that were laying around. I ran to the kitchen to get paper towels. When I returned the juice was dripping off of the table and on to Amanda's plush princess chair. Ugg, I was pissed. I sent both of the kids to their room while I cleaned up the mess and I was starting to lose my mind. I was anxious, upset and downright edgy. I went back to making dinner and tried to relax.

While dinner was cooking I went in to our bedroom to check the email to see if there was an update from the realtor. Finally, there it was!!!! Unfortunately, I was instantly crushed!!! It was sooooo low. I probably shouldn't go into too many details but I really don't care right now. I need to get this off of my chest and I guess this is the reason I started writing this blog to begin with. We started by asking $228K in March. Since the market has been so difficult, we kept lowering our price. We currently sit at $203K. I hated lowering it so much but we are getting desperate. We owe $192K on it. We've done so much work to this beautiful house and we've worked so hard to pay our mortgage on time and improve our credit rating. The buyer offered $189,900!! I couldn't believe my eyes. I went into a spiraling rage and couldn't control myself. I had to get outside. Jon and I just held each other for a few minutes in disbelief. What was happening to us??!? We sent a message to our realtor explaining that the offer was unacceptable and that we were not going to pay someone to take our house. It was pretty obvious that these people wanted to buy a house they couldn't afford. We are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Of course, we gave a counteroffer but it sounds like they only got approved for $182K and they were coming with cash for the rest. They wanted a quick closing which all would have been great if they could afford our house! They loved it and they are trying to go back to get more money but with the way lending is right now, I'm not optimistic!!

How could one day be so emotionally draining? We were able to get through dinner without too much turmoil. We put the kids to bed as quickly as possible and I curled up under the covers with my comfy jammies to watch the debate. I fell asleep about an hour in and I'm sure I needed the rest.