I wish there was a better reason to post

The phone rang at 6:30 on Friday morning. I wish it didn't. I wish there was no reason for the phone to ring. It was my friend Kelly Meeker. She had bad news. My dad was being brought to the hospital. It was the word that no one wants to hear. Stroke. Yup, my dad had a stroke. No one knows when it started. Since there was very little background on the stroke, the hospital didn't have many options. There are very brief windows of opportunity. I called my boss to give him a "heads-up" and immediately headed to the local hospital. After a few hours of very tense waiting, the local hospital sent him down to Mt. Sinai hospital in NYC. They thought that Mt. Sinai would be better able to treat the condition. Unfortunatley no one could figure out where the clot occurred. Mt. Sinai wasn't able to do anything either. They checked him in and told us that they would watch him closely. He's still there and probably will be for a while.

Taryn and I drove down to NYC on Friday afternoon. Taryn had a class last week that was finishing up on Friday. She had no choice. She had to go. I went out to my office and grabbed my computer, checked a few messages, and headed home. I got home around the same time that Taryn finished class. We hit the road and got to the hospital around 4pm.

Dad looked so small and frail in the hospital bed. He was sleeping when we arrived. That wasn't unexpected. He had slept most of the morning when I was at St. Luke's (the local hospital). He woke up after one of the many rounds of nursing visits. It appears that he has mostly left side weakness. He isn't really slurring his words but he is talking very slowly. He has little use of his left hand right now and I'm not sure how his leg is doing. He is also having trouble swallowing. I also don't know how longterm these issues are going to be. The doctor told us that the main issue will be perception. I'm not sure what that means but they said that the "left side of his world will be non-existent." They said that he'll need a eye check once he is out of the hospital to see what really happened. My dad has worn glasses most of his life. It was very strange to see him in the hospital without them.

Personally, I don't know if I have really accepted that this has happened. I have been thinking about dad constantly but I feel like I haven't given myself an opportunity to be sad. I wanted to be strong for my family. I have to remember that my kids need me.

I'm really at a loss for words. I thought that writing about how I was feeling would help me but all I feel is lost. I'm sorry. I'll try to update about all of the other insane things that have been going on around here in the past few weeks. All I can say is that I'm exhausted. Physically and emotionally exhausted.... If anyone is reading this, please have a good thought about my dad. It would mean a lot to me!