Thursday, May 29, 2008

The weekend from hell

As you can see by the fact that it is Thursday, the weekend from hell has lasted into the week from hell. I warn you now, this is going to be a really long story since it lasts from Friday evening until right now!

I mentioned earlier that Aidan and Amanda were staying with my dad and Linda on Friday while we were at work. When I went to pick the kids up they were both doing fine. About an hour after I arrived Amanda started getting whiney. It was quite sudden but not unusual. Amanda likes to be at home reading or doing puzzles and when she gets tired she whines that she wants to go home. I put her off for a while and we played and hung out with my dad, Linda and Taryn. After a while the whining intensified and I decided it was time to leave. I had parked my car down the street at Meeker's house since there is limited parking at dad's so I had to pack up and walk down the street. This is not usually a big deal but Amanda's whining turned into tears and I wasn't sure what was going on. We headed down the street with all of our stuff. I carried Amanda who was not willing to walk and dad and Taryn carried everything else. When we got to Meeker's house, Amanda perked up a bit and asked to see Sean and Kevin (Bob and Kelly Meeker's sons). I decided that we could visit for a while and see how Manda does. The meltdown was quick. She went from wanting to be there to sobbing within 15 minutes. I tried to comfort her and when that didn't work, we left.

We got home and it was about 7:30 at this point. Amanda seemed to be a bit warm and asked to take a bath. After a while in the tub Amanda started to shiver pretty fiercely which was strange. The water was warm and it was then I realized that something was definitely wrong. She started complaining about her stomach hurting. She had been coughing and had a runny nose so I told her to relax and that it was just a "yucky cold." I gave her Motrin and got her ready for bed. I took her temperature, I can't remember the exact number, but it was around 102. That was just the beginning.

She slept pretty well Friday night. I think she may have woken once or twice. Saturday morning the fever was still there and we gave her more motrin. Through the day on Saturday she ran a fever that topped around 104. I'll skip the details but Saturday was not a fun day. Her nose kept running and the cough wasn't any better. She still complained of her stomach hurting (anyone who has ever dealt with toddlers and preschoolers knows how difficult it is to find out "what hurts" on a small child). Saturday night we put her to bed, still running a pretty high temp. Since we don't have insurance, I decided to try to kill the fever on my own. During the night, the fever finally broke. Unfortunately it did not last long and by Sunday mid-morning, she was back up to 103. By noon she was up to 104 and we decided to take her to the doctor.

I stayed home with Aidan and Jon took Amanda to the doctor. Jon called me from the office and told me that there was only one doctor on-call at Medicus and that the wait would be 2.5 hours. Without much of an option, he ran some errands with Amanda and returned for the "appointment." The doctor diagnosed an ear infection and said that the fever was related. He prescribed antibiotics, told us to keep giving her Motrin and sent Jon on his way. I had guessed it was an ear infection earlier in the day when I noticed the glassy appearance of her eyes. She looked exactly the same when she was sick on her first birthday.

By Sunday evening she seemed a bit better. The fever was lower. I found it funny to be excited about a 100 degree fever but when it had been 104 previously, that was good! Sunday night the fever was back and stayed at about 103/104 all night. Needless to say, she did not sleep very well (neither did we!) We brought her into bed with us to keep an eye on her. I was very nervous about the high fever and wasn't sure what could happen.

Monday was much of the same. We had plans all weekend that we cancelled since Amanda wasn't feeling well. We were hoping that by Monday afternoon she would be well enough to go out to a bbq that we wanted to attend. I put the kids down for a nap and headed to the grocery store so that I could get that done before heading back to work on Monday. When I returned from a horrible visit to the grocery store (it was an absolute mob scene), Mom and Oscar were back home from Oklahoma. Amanda's fever was 104 and we weren't going anywhere! Later in the afternoon Mom and Oscar offered to watch the kids so we could go to the bbq for a while. Amanda seemed content to lay in the chair and watch TV. Mom was there so we weren't too concerned until..... her temperature hit 105.4. At this point I had no clue what to do. I gave her more Motrin since it had finally been over 6 hours since the last dose. I sat with her for a while and the fever started to subside. It dropped down to 103.7 and Jon and I decided to get out of the house for a while. The stress and lack of sleep were wearing us down. We went to Meeker's for the bbq for about 2 hours when mom called and asked us to come home. Amanda was being cranky and wanted mommy.

The next 12 hours were kind of a blur. To make a really long story a bit shorter, no matter what we did the fever wouldn't come down. She had been on antibiotics for over 24 hours and she had been running a fever over 72 hours. We were up all night (almost) and Jon and I had to work in the morning (Tuesday, if you were able to keep track). I gave her Motrin at about 3 a.m. and when it didn't drop the temperature after an hour I decided that it was time to head to the emergency room.

I took her to Vassar hospital and the people were really great. They were nice to us and got us through all the different stages very quickly. Before I knew it, the doctor was greeting us. After a pretty thorough exam he concluded that yes, it is an ear infection and by the looks of it, they are both infected. There was no stomach emergency and everything seemed fine (I mentioned it since that was Amanda's only complaint other than "I sick"). The doctor explained that although a very high temperature is worrysome that some children tend to run very high fevers. Since Amanda was a preemie and she had a very hard time maintaining her body temperature after birth, the doctor commented that her prematurity could be a cause for her to run higher fevers. This is not the first time she has had a high temperature. He also suggested that she could possibly have a UTI and we had to get a "sample" for testing so that we'd know if the antibiotics that she is on will work. I'll try not to be too disgusting but getting a "sample" from a 2 year old who is potty training isn't very easy. She is not used to using a potty that doesn't have a tiny seat with pictures on it. Fortunately after a few different tries and a lot of begging and bribing, she had success! By this point it was 6:00 and I was nearing the point of being late for work. I asked the nurse about a turnaround time on the test and explained that I was going to be late for work. I understood that this was a risk that I took going to the hospital and I have no problem with that but I thought it couldn't hurt to ask. The nurse said that she would have Amanda released and they would call us with the results if they were positive. The doctor also told us that I could give Amanda both Motrin and Tylenol at the same time which I was not aware of so they gave her a dose of Tylenol and sent us on our way.

I got home and got Amanda settled with mom. Jon was exhausted too since Aidan was woken up by Amanda at around 4 and he did not go back to sleep. Jon and I were able to get ready for work and both out the door only a few minutes later than usual.

Roll up to the present. Since Tuesday morning we've been going through all the normal motions. The fever is not entirely gone but she has not come close to 104 since Monday. She is sleeping like crap! She wakes up (if she was even asleep) multiple times every night whining for me. She tells me she can't sleep and just cries and cries. At this point I don't know what to do for her. I'm exhausted and am lacking any patience for anything. My mom thinks that her ears could be hurting still and that is why she won't sleep. She has never once complained about her ears but that was the official diagnosis. I don't know what the problem is. We have one more dose of antibiotic to give today and I guess we'll just see from there.

Oh well, back to work. I just needed to get that out! Phew!

Friday, May 23, 2008

Feeling much better!

After a huge meltdown that controlled most of me and blurred my perspective, I'm back to normal and feeling positive. Yeah, there are still things that are worrying me but that is normal. I'm going to continue to be nervous about selling the house. I still have butterflies about my new job (which is going great so far) but I'm not going to second-guess any of the decisions that we've made. The future is going to be what it will be and that is fine by me! We have a ton of options at this point and I'm not going to rule anything out.

I started my new job on Wednesday and I really like it so far. I had a rough couple of days but I think it was just nervousness mixed with some inexperience working with Microsoft Access. It is now Friday and I have a long weekend to look forward to. The new job is going to be very demanding but that is what I was looking for. I wanted to put my education and experience to good use and try to make some money at the same time. My boss, JR, is a really nice guy and he has a pretty good sense of humor which makes it a bit easier. Yes, he is demanding but that is his job. He is a Sr. Vice President after all. I've met many of the people that work for him and they all seem pretty friendly. I'll be working with them on a regular basis with all of the different projects that JR has for me. I have a nice new Dell laptop that they've given me to use and once I get in the swing of things I'm sure I'll be very busy. I'm actually bored right now so I figured I would write a blog. I have two projects that JR has asked me to work on but both of them are in other people's hands right now and I don't seem to have anything that I can do now.

Aidan and Amanda are down at "grumpa's house." My dad thought that grumpa was more appropriate so we went with it. My mom normally watches the kids but she and Oscar went to Oklahoma for a family reunion this weekend. They left very early this morning so Jon and I got the kids out of the house at 6:30 so that we could make it to work. Now I see what it will be like having to get them ready for daycare in the future. It all seemed a bit hectic but it really wasn't too bad. I got most of their stuff pulled together last night and we just had to potty, dress and leave this morning. The hardest part was getting myself ready for work which coordinating all of the activities going on this morning. Aidan was a bit cranky when he woke up since he is not used to being woken in the morning. He stayed cranky until we were almost at my dad's. That was when they traded places and Aidan was happy and Amanda got a bit cranky. She didn't want to go inside and she stood on the sidewalk crying.

After avoiding a near meltdown we were able to get them situated so I could get to work. I hope that the day is good for all of them. It has been a rough couple of days for Dad and Linda. My father had a cardiac procedure done on Wednesday and the doctors determined that not only had he recently had a heart attack (which he had no knowledge of) he needs to have triple bypass surgery. Dad is his normal positive self and treating the whole thing like a bad hangnail. Linda seems to be pretty upset about the whole thing. I told Linda that my dad is tough and he'll get through this just to be able to torment her for as long as she lets him! I know my dad. I'm nervous but optimistic. Bypass surgery is quite common these days.

Other than that, Jon has been working a ton these past few weeks. He had 16.5 hours of overtime just last week. Yesterday he didn't get home until after 9 and he was incredibly exhausted. I can only imagine what he is going through. He really seems to enjoy the job.

We're looking forward to a nice relaxing long weekend where we can just hangout and do whatever we'd like. We don't have any official plans and there are a lot of different things we can do if we want. It is really nice to have options but no commitments. Since mom and Oscar are away, we have the entire house to ourselves. Yippee!!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Where do I begin?

Really, that isn't just the title. Where could I possibly begin?? This has been the week from hell. When I think that things are looking up, I overanalyze and turn myself into a wreck. Let's start with the house since that is the most depressing and I want to get it out of the way. Aside from a bazillion showings, no one wants our house. I keep hearing the same thing. It's beautiful, but... the kitchen is too small, ect, ect. Nothing big, nothing we can control. The realtor just emailed me with the feedback. Everyone loves it but there is always something. Now, the lawn is starting to look yucky. Spring has sprung and there isn't anyone to take care of the lawn. The sprinkler system can be turned on but we don't have anyone to do it. The realtor offered and I accepted but it can be tricky. If only I could be there for an hour and do all of the little things that need to be done. I am willing to wait for the offer but there are going to be things that come up like this. Once the sprinkler is on, the lawn will need to be mowed. The place probably needs some fresh air. I don't need the added stress. I don't want to drop the price any more. I think it is worth the price but the economy sucks. I'm not going to argue politics but if anyone is trying to find a job, sell a home, drive a vehicle or feed their families, it is pretty obvious. Unfortunately for us, we're trying to do all of the above! I just want to cry. OK, enough of the house blues. I just makes me wonder if I did the right thing...

Yes, I said "if I did the right thing" not "if we did the right thing." I take full credit for the sad state of affairs. Yes, Jon and I agreed to move but it was with my persistence. I swore up and down that it would be great for us. "We should be close to family", "We can get great, high paying jobs", "We can buy a wonderful house for our family and our future." Who was I kidding? I have been trying so hard to keep a positive attitude but I'm losing my strength. Jon has a great job that has potential for big things. He could have done the same in Denver. Should we have left? I got a job today (more about that later) but could I have done the same in Denver? Probably. Family means so much to me but is it worth the risk? The risk that seems more and more like a failure. Don't get me wrong. I love seeing everyone and that is the least of my sadness. Gambling is so unlike me. I like to have everything completely mapped out. This gameplan seems to have had too much emotion and not enough common sense. The market is bad, we can't sell our house. The market is bad, no one is hiring for anything really worth much. The cost of living in NY is high and seems to be getting higher with all the problems.

I need to pause and mention that this is a vent and is sounding more and more pathetic as I continue but I need to get it out.

OK, on to the job situation. I have been looking for a job with little success for about 6 weeks now. The recruiters are stacking their lists of candidates for the market turn their hoping for. This doesn't help anyone who is looking for a job. I mentioned in a previous post (I think) about a job as an auditor which had a lot of travel. I didn't get the job as the auditor but they thought enough of me to recommend me for another job in the company. The position is as the business manager of the technology division. The interview was scheduled for yesterday. I should mention that I was feeling horrible on Monday and I wasn't much better yesterday. My ears were bothering me, I was running a fever and my head was horribly congested. Right before I started getting ready for the interview, I received a call from Pepsi. I had applied for a position as a finanical analyst and they wanted to a quick phone interview. Despite feeling like crap, I must have done well enough that they wanted to meet me next Friday. I accepted. I got off the phone and went to my interview at Mediacom (the business manager). I was definitely not myself but I met with a couple of the big wigs at the company and I couldn't find my brain. I must have done OK because they called and made an offer this morning. I would be working for the Senior Vice President of Technology as his business manager doing all of the budgeting, forecasting, and financial analysis for the division. It really does sound like a great job but... the offer is less than I was hoping for. What do I do now? I told them I wanted to talk it over with my husband and get back to them. So I weigh my options. Do I wait to meet with Pepsi next week? Do I accept and turn down Pepsi? What to do, what to do? After a lot of soul searching and stuff I won't bore you with, I decided to accept the job. The job at Pepsi wasn't the position I was hoping it would be. I reviewed the job posting again and it seemed quite monotonous and boring. Yeah, great potential in the future but it is a bit of a commute and the salary they were discussing would be put directly into the commute. Mediacom is close and can give me great experience. Now I'm second guessing myself. Should I wait? The market is tough and I don't know when the next opportunity will present itself. We could really use the money and the salary is decent. They offer great benefits. I was hoping for more and came to NY with $$ in my eyes. After lots of conversation with Jon we came to the conclusion that this is a great opportunity for me. If this is a great opportunity why am I so conflicted? I'm getting such a "woe is me" attitude. Between the both of us we can make a good living and once we sell our house we'll be fine. We can afford to support ourselves and this could be the best scenario. I am having doubts. I haven't officially accepted yet but I have decided to accept the offer. I did make a counteroffer but they said that they couldn't change the offer.

OK, I'm done. I need to think happy thoughts and not worry about everything. It will all work out. It has to. At least I have a great support network of family and friends who seem to think that I'm capable of anything. Up until this point I have succeeded and pulled it off. Can my streak continue?